Something has happened to our generation of moms. Something terrible. We have lost our common sense in our quest to be perfect.

Our mothers and grandmothers didn’t have the internet or “How To” books for parenting. They went off their instincts, and if that didn’t work, they talked to their mothers, aunts, friends and neighbors for advice. They didn’t always follow it, but in the end we all turned out to be healthy and functioning human beings. That was what mattered, right?

The internet is an endless supply of information. Google search “how to make baby food” and you literally have thousands of options, methods and instructions right there in front of you. The same thing applies to diaper creams, medicated ointments, and basically anything else you can use on a baby. Here is the thing that pisses me off – some of this stuff is pure crap.

Did you know ANYBODY can start a website?! (I started one!)

Did you know that anybody can publish ANYTHING THEY WANT on said website? (I am typing whatever the hell I want right now!)

Did you know that if they are making claims and giving advice it is most likely a bunch of bullshit unless they can cite their information from a credible source? (I bet you are now vaguely remembering high school bibliographies with loathing. You’re welcome.)

Our generation of moms can turn to the internet for any parenting obstacle. Forget common sense. You can just Google it. Who cares what your Gram says? She only managed to raise five respectful and successful kids in a single income household! Screw what the pediatrician says. Why would we listen to someone who completed 8+ years of college and medical school followed by 3+ years of residency when we can just read some random Perfect Mom’s blog and follow her advice? I am sure she is qualified to give sound medical guidance on the health of our families.

Oh wait. Did she even graduate high school? Her children seem OK in the pictures, but are they ACTUALLY healthy and OK? We will never know, my friends! We will only see what she wants us to see, because she can say whatever she wants on that big, bad blog of hers. She doesn’t have to produce any credentials to hit the publish button, and people read it. I am weeping for every scientist and medical professional who has ever published solid research. Published research is boring, but jumping on the hip Perfect Mom bandwagon is fun! Let’s all forgo our educations and parent our kids based on current trends!

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I spent HOURS upon HOURS on the internet. I refer to this as the Perfect Mom Quest. I became obsessed with the notion of being the Perfect Mom. So much so that I pushed aside all common sense instincts and read as much of those crap mommy blogs as I possibly could. Naturally, (no pun intended) I came to the following conclusions:

• I was going to have a natural delivery (even considering home birth) because any mom worth anything pushes their kid out of their vagina drug free.
• I would make my own organic baby food, because jars of baby food have chemicals. Which chemicals? IT DOESN’T MATTER! HOMEMADE ORGANIC WAS THE ONLY SAFE WAY TO GO!
• I was going to breastfeed exclusively because if I gave my baby formula her brain would be underdeveloped, plus she might get cancer. JESUS. Might as well call that stuff liquid death.
• I was never going to give my baby acetaminophen or ibuprofen because, “OMG! I read a blog that said these medications are poison. I would be administering POISON to my child! What kind of tricks are these pediatricians trying to pull!?”
• I was only going to use cloth diapers because I read another blog saying disposable diapers WILL give your child severe diaper rash. HOLY SHIT. My kid will never have diaper rash. I will not allow it. I will only use cloth diapers. Are those disposable diaper parents freaking insane!? Why would anyone willingly give diaper rash to their baby?!
• I was not going to vaccinate because Jenny McCarthy said it gave her kid autism, plus kids die from adverse reaction to vaccines. How many kids? Who cares?! It is killing children! Vaccination is obviously a tool put on Earth to defeat mankind.

I know. Exhausting. If only I could go back in time and slap myself senseless, and then slap myself some more until I was once again sane. I was smarter than that! I have a Bachelor of Science for Christ’s sake! I couldn’t complete one lab in NIU’s Anderson Hall without citing a study. I couldn’t turn in a project unless I had proof that my stated facts came from somewhere credible. My professors wouldn’t have given an uncited project one glance. I should have been able to avoid falling for this Perfect Mom crap right?

Once I had my baby I realized this quest was not only unrealistic, but also so time and energy consuming that I could barely handle it. Why was I putting myself through all this when there was no actual proof that my baby would turn out to be a super genius or Olympic athlete? That was the end of Perfect Mom Quest.

• I ended up having a C-section because Avery was Frank breech. Had I done a home birth, I firmly believe one of us would not have come out of that situation healthy. Good-bye to natural delivery, and thank goodness for my obstetrician!
• Making my own organic baby food was messy, just as expensive – if not more expensive – and a huge pain in the ass. I wasted a few hours of my life on it, then decided there were better ways to spend my time. My kids ate the toxic Gerber (which is actually not toxic at all – see below) for a couple months, and I switched them to finger foods. They are alive and healthy. Why is this short transition from liquid to finger foods plagued with puree controversy?!
• I hated breastfeeding. Hated it. I suffered through sixteen weeks of zero sleep, bleeding nipples, low milk supply and throbbing let-downs before I finally gave up on the whole thing. While watching Cody feed Avery a bottle of formula, I wept. I still can’t tell you if it was out of guilt that I had given up or flat-out relief that breastfeeding was over. Then I went to bed (Since my boobs were no longer needed – Thank the Lord!) and slept while he worked his first all-night feeding shift. I woke up as a new woman and never looked back.
• Once my kids hit 6 months, I gave them ibuprofen and acetaminophen when it was appropriate. Seeing your child sick and in pain is hard. If I have a headache, I take medicine and feel better. Why would I want my kids to cry in pain when I know I have something that will help? Turns out using medications properly is perfectly safe and healthy. (see below)
• Here are fun facts you don’t find on a Perfect Mom blog about cloth diapers: They are disgusting and time consuming. Also – Disposable diapers don’t give your baby diaper rash. Poop and pee on skin give your baby diaper rash. I lasted 2 months using cloth diapers. My washing machine and gag reflex thanked me when I finally snapped and bought Huggies.
• My kids are vaccinated and have been since day one. My pediatrician BEGGED me to do accurate research. She would treat my kids either way, but it was strongly encouraged that I make an educated decision rather than a “But I read it on a Perfect Mom blog” decision. I love my pediatrician. She knew how to tame my crazy.

I happen to know many women who are, in fact, Perfect Moms. They are breastfeeding like champions and pureeing baby food like it is their job. They are washing their cloth diapers without gagging and pushed their kids out – all natural and drug free – like they were supposed to. Cheers to them! They must have their own good reasons if they are putting themselves through all of that hot mess. I always get down on myself when talking to these moms. They never fail to remind me with a snarky little smile that they are, “Just doing what is best for baby!” or the good old, “Mommies make sacrifices!”

Yep. I am currently sacrificing the joy of ripping out your hair, Lady.

Being a new mom is like that high school girl vs. girl competition all over again. You can’t be in the Perfect Mom club unless you have successfully completed the Perfect Mom Quest.

I guess I am kicked out of the club. Rebel for life!

Truth be told, when Perfect Mom’s child stands next to Avery (a.k.a. my vaccinated, medicated, formula-drinking, Huggies-wearing, Gerber-eating child who was delivered via C-section) at the preschool music show, all I see is two happy and healthy kids. I can’t look at that group of 24 kids and pick out the breastfed ones. I couldn’t tell you which ones had homemade organic purees when they were 9 months old. All I can tell you is that they still made it through their first year of preschool….Regardless of all that.

I am reminding myself and all other moms like me that we did a good job.  We did the research and made parenting decisions based on what we knew in both head and heart was best for our families. As a result, our kids are just as happy and healthy as Perfect Mom’s organic, all natural kids.

You know what that makes us?

Perfect Moms.

Want to know where I did my research? Here you go:

My decision to vaccinate my kids:

Here is the World Health Organization’s vaccine reaction rates website. You can click on each vaccine and get a breakdown of every possible adverse reaction to the vaccines, including worldwide statistical data.

Here is the Autism Science Foundation’s website for autism and vaccination. There are countless studies listed that provide solid evidence against autism being related to vaccination.

Here is some info on herd immunity from the University of Oxford.

 My decision to buy Gerber baby food purees:

Here is Gerber’s website. They have USDA certified organic baby foods, which also means the crops are not genetically modified. If you have also done research, you would know anything with an USDA certified organic label cannot contain any GM foods.

You can look up the full ingredient list for any of their baby foods. Here is an example with peaches. These are their standard peaches, not the organic. Click on the nutrition information tab below the product’s picture for the full ingredient list. (Like any other food you buy in the grocery store, baby food has to follow the FDA guidelines for food labeling.)

I made sure all the Gerber purees that I used for my kids only contained the fruit/vegetables of choice, water, and either ascorbic acid or citric acid. What are those? They are natural preservatives! Ascorbic acid is vitamin C. It can be used as a preservative for food by preventing oxidation. It can also be used as a vitamin C supplement. Your body needs vitamin C to help absorb iron. An excess of vitamin C in the system is very rare because it is a water soluble vitamin. Citric acid is a naturally occurring acid in citrus fruits. It is used as a preservative to slow down oxidation of food. Have you ever squeezed lemon juice over apple slices to keep them from browning? Or lime juice into guacamole? You just preserved your food with citric acid. Don’t trust me? Click on the links above!

My decision to use over-the-counter medication to treat high fever or pain:

Here is KidsHealth.org’s information on the safety of ibuprofen and how to use it correctly. Here is their page for correct use of acetaminophen.

KidsHealth.org is a good resource for parents. It is managed by the Nemours Foundation, a not-for-profit dedicated to education for children’s health.

Here is the popular WebMD website’s advice for young children and ibuprofen use.