I thought I would be able to avoid telemarketing by just skipping installing a landline phone. Those are becoming obsolete anyway, right?! So we have no phone in our home, only cell phones. These phones only ring when loved ones call us. No telemarketers. Sound peaceful? Well it’s not. I am currently contending with the modern-day telemarketer:
The multi-level marketing company sales reps.
Every time I open a social media app, I get attacked by reps asking if I need leggings? Body wraps? Nutrition supplements? Essential oils? Skin care? Handbags? Everyday totes? Home decor? Tupperware? The list goes on….and it’s driving me mad. It’s not as easy as it used to be. You used to be able to just hang up on a telemarketer, or ask to be put on their “do not call” list. There isn’t an escape that simple anymore, because it is your family and friends that are selling you these products. How can you turn down your loved ones?
I didn’t used to be such an angry person. I have plenty of friends and family that have been reps for various multi-level marketing companies over the years. Sure it was a little annoying, but I loved them anyway. I hosted my share of parties. I bought butt-loads of various products. Then one day it happened. I was messaged by 3 DIFFERENT sales reps to join their sales teams in a span of 36 hours. Kicker: All three of them were vague acquaintances, and all three of them were Rodan + Fields reps.
I had to politely decline buying into the same multi-level marketing company three damn times, to three different people, in basically one day. That was when I started to get a little pissed.
As a stay-home-mom in her early thirties, I am a constant target. Exhibit A:
“Hi! How have you been the past 14 years since we last saw each other?! I see from your Facebook profile you are a stay-home-mom of two girls! Must be so fun!”
Ummm. Hi. Yes. It is fun. When did we become Facebook friends? I forgot you existed.
“I’m just messaging all the ladies in my life to let them know I am now a sales rep for _______! (Insert literally any of these home sales companies here. It’s all the same.) I just love this company! Their products are great and have changed my life! You need to try some of these products! You can lose all your belly fat with a magic body wrap! You can rub stuff on your feet and never get sick! You can reverse aging with just a pot of cream and look 18 again! You can make your hair grow 2 feet in 2 months taking pills made of the elixir of life!”
Wow. That all sounds fun for you. Congratulations on your new job path. Good luck! (Praying they take a hint and target their next victim.)
“Wouldn’t hosting a party be fun? You could invite all your friends! We could have wine! You won’t have to lift a finger. I can give product demos so you all can see for yourselves how well these products work. You just need to provide food and drinks for everyone you invite, and clean up after everyone leaves. You also need to convince all your friends to come. You never get to go out and party as a mom. This is the perfect excuse to have a little fun!”
Sounds great, except I have to invite all my friends under the uncomfortable guise that they eventually will have to get out their credit cards so that I can earn a free hostess gift. My friends and I see each other enough under regular, fun, no-pressure circumstances. I definitely don’t need to have a party to see them. I get invited to enough of these sales events as it is, and most of the invitations start with the hostess saying, “So I know it’s annoying, but I’m trying to help a friend out, anybody have any interest in coming over to buy leggings? Worst case scenario – I will make sure there is wine. Please come.” Sorry, but I do not want to beg my friends over here to spend a minimum of $100 a-piece so that I can earn free shit.
“You are lucky you see your friends regularly. I am so busy running my home business that I don’t get to see mine. Since you have all this time on your hands, maybe you would like to join my sales team?! You can make yourself a million dollars from your couch! You never have to waste your time going back to work and earning a decent salary in the career field that you studied hard to become a part of! Doesn’t that sound great!? We are running a one-time special if you join right now! I can sneak you an even better discount since I know you are going to be so great at this!
Probably not. I see how much time it takes up of yours. I don’t have the time to make a new Facebook status every hour about products I’m selling, let alone hit up every person I have ever met to convince them to join my sales team. If it really was that easy, why would anyone in their right mind work a regular job? Oh right! Guaranteed salary, scheduled hours, family benefits, 401K – ya know, all the useful stuff an employee of a legitimate company can negotiate into their contract. Have you managed to make a million dollars yet? Seems like if you had, you wouldn’t need to hit up your entire Facebook friends list for a paycheck.
“No problem! I totally get that your family time is important to you right now. Buuuut you can still join my sales team for the low starter kit price of $1500.00! You don’t even have to sell anything! You can keep all these products for yourself and completely change your life!”
Are. You. Kidding. Me.
Who in their right mind needs $1500.00 worth of anything!? If I’m spending $1500.00, it better be on a new fridge for my kitchen.
“If you ever change your mind, let me know!” (I WON’T.) “Maybe we can just set you up with an online party? You friends shop from the comfort of their own homes right on Facebook! It’s really fun, convenient and easy for everyone!”
Sounds perfect! I’ll add a bunch of my friends to this online event without their permission, so they can get berated with notifications about it everyday until it actually happens. Then there will only be like 14 different steps they have to complete in order to buy a pair of semi-ugly leggings and an everyday tote in a Fall print?! Ugh. Whatever. If I commit to this halfheartedly, will you leave me the fuck alone!?
I WISSSSHHHH I could say this was a one-time occurrence. Obviously, I am exaggerating for full-effect, but a form of this conversation happens to me at least a couple of times per month. I am currently invited to two Thirty-One parties and three LuLaRoe parties. My news feed is a never-ending roll of demo videos and sales posts. Every time I post a status, I wonder if I run the risk of being targeted for a potential sale. A status about being tired = A sales pitch from a rep trying to sell me liquid greens for energy. A status about an indulgent dinner = A sales pitch from somebody trying to sell me on a full-body detox cleanse. A status about one of my kids being sick = A sales pitch about how essential oils will prevent all childhood illness. A status about my workout = A sales pitch on a vitamin powder so I can get nutrients while I hydrate. Maybe I speak for only myself here, BUT JESUS CHRIST! PLEASE JUST LET ME LIVE MY LIFE IN PEACE!
My main issue with this is friends and acquaintances basically guilt-tripping people they know into buying over-priced crap under the guise of just “helping” them out. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people say “I am just trying to make money for my family! I would love it if you could help me reach my sales goal!” It makes me twitch with annoyance every time. Do you know who also works a sales job? My husband. Since we are a single-income household, he makes all the money that supports our family. NEVER ONCE have I heard him utter those words, because every single working adult (sales job or not) is doing their best to make money and support their families.
And guess what!? That money he earns by going to his non-MLM sales job everyday? We need that money for OUR family.
Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I go out of my way to help friends and family. You need me to watch your kids? Done. Your youngest needs a ride home from school? On my way. You need me to drop off dinner because you have been sick yourself while taking care of sick kids? Consider it done. You need me to buy school clothes for your kids’ birthdays instead of toys because its been a tight year? No problem. If you need some help and support, please ask for it. Ditch the salesperson act. Be honest. I am happy to help you in any way that I can. I do my best to go above and beyond to support my friends and family, but I have to draw the line here. Enough is enough. I am not contributing any more of our hard-earned money to these multi-level marketing companies. That isn’t helping anybody out, it’s just ruining our relationships.
If I bought just one $30 item from the five parties I am added to this week, I would end up spending $150. This week. On leggings and totes THAT I DO NOT EFFING NEED OR WANT. If I bought essential oils from every single rep I know, it would cost me hundreds upon hundreds of dollars – and I don’t even believe they do anything other than smell good. I can burn a candle from Target for $3 if I want my house to smell good! If I thought I needed health supplements, I would go to a store and shop for them instead of ordering them through someone I barely know that can’t give me a full list of ingredients. “Health” supplements are some of the most unregulated products on the market, so I absolutely am 100% refusing to drink your magic juice, and over my dead body am I letting you give a sample of that red stuff to my kids. We’ll go for a family run and eat some organic apples instead, thanks. Annnnnd sorry for the cocky honesty, but I am walking, talking proof that you do not need a body wrap to get a flat stomach. Two eight-pound babies came out of my 5’2″ frame. Lots and lots of cardio exercise gave me a flat stomach – not a magic wrap.
I am done politely declining someone 14 times in row before they move on. I am done begging friends to participate in online events and home parties. I am done accepting invitations to all said events. Don’t even send me one. Don’t check the box next to my name. Just don’t. If you do, you will be getting a hard “NO” from me. I am not wasting anymore time playing nice.
If you are actually passionately pursuing your dream job with one of these companies without hassling everyone you know, then kudos to you! I do know a few people who have become a rep, created a business page where they can be in contact with INTERESTED customers and left me the hell alone. Let me just say, I SO VERY MUCH APPRECIATE THAT! It means a lot to me that I am still your friend, and not a dollar sign on your next sales quota. More of these obnoxious reps should take a cue from you.
I wish you all the best of luck with your home businesses, and look forward to zero messages, invitations and sales pitches in my future. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a life to live.