Month: January 2016

Mommy-To-Be Knows Best

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ Leave a comment

I have reached a phase of life in which I currently know more pregnant women than non-pregnant women. I’m serious. Something is in the water, and EVERYONE is expecting.

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I was pregnant with my oldest daughter 6 years ago, so talking to most of my single, 24-year-old friends about pregnancy meant I might as well have been speaking French. I love those ladies, but telling them about childbirth was almost hilarious. They could not wrap their heads around everything my body did to bring my first-born into the world. These same women who avoided pregnant me like the plague a few years ago have gotten knocked up. Ironically, they have also become experts on all aspects of parenting over the course of their first trimester.

Listen up, mommies-to-be! Recently, a few in your ranks have felt the need to express their opinions on what they deemed right and wrong in regard to how some of us are currently parenting our living, breathing children. Let me just take a moment to say, in the kindest way possible, that you don’t know shit.

You can read all the books in the world during pregnancy, but absolutely NOTHING prepares you for what is to come. I am not trying to scare you, I am just trying to help you understand that you are wasting your time and energy focusing on everything that doesn’t matter. What matters is that everybody is healthy and happy. Sometimes making decisions based on what is perceived to be the best for mom and baby, before you even give birth, is setting yourself up for some cruel disappointment and misery. Not to mention, the way you pass judgement (Based on what exactly? An article somebody shared on Facebook?) may be offending or hurting some other moms.

Congratulations, mommies-to-be! You are embarking on a magical journey of self discovery and growing a teeny tiny human! Time to start glowing and embracing that bump! Now let’s prep you for cold, hard reality with a little pop quiz, covering some of the topics that are most frequently going to piss you off as you head into parenthood.

1. Are you married?

No: Suit up! Because the wrath of the Christians and Catholics will fall upon you, sinner. To hell with you and your demon seed! (Bonus point if you eventually get around to getting married so your parents and grandparents can sleep at night.)

Yes: You win this one, according to most of society. Plus you still have a shot at making it into Heaven after you croak, ya lucky duck! (Bonus point for being smart enough to look gorgeous in a wedding dress before pregnancy destroys you.)

2. Are you planning to have a natural childbirth?

No: You know your limits. Good for you!

Yes: Good luck. I also thought I wanted a natural childbirth, until I got a taste of active labor. I have two carefully chosen words for you: F**K THAT.

*Bonus point for realizing it doesn’t matter how you plan your delivery, because there is absolutely no way to predict how that train wreck is going to go down. Just try not to be terrified by your own body.

3. Are you going back to work after you have the baby?

No: Hope you have a skin thick enough to deflect all the demeaning comments about lazy stay-at-home moms, because we basically do nothing all day. The household pretty much runs itself, so we can pursue all kinds of leisurely hobbies. It doesn’t matter if you leave a career in neurosurgery behind you, everyone assumes you are a gold digger who popped out a kid so you don’t have to work. Now you can drink wine, do nothing and get your nails done like the rest of us stay-at-home mom slackers! Congrats on taking your life nowhere!

Yes: You don’t win either. The good old “women stayed home to raise their families in my day” guilt trips are just the tip of the iceberg for you. People are going to weigh in on your childcare options – “Ugh. She sent her kids to daycare. THE HORROR.” – And no matter what you choose, someone won’t like it. If you are lucky enough to have a relative watching the kids for you, there is now an awkward household dynamic of “Grandma knows best” VS. “Mommy knows best”. So good luck sorting through all that while trying to break through the glass ceiling.

4. Are you planning to breastfeed?

No: Oh man. I wish you well, because people are going to hate you for this. You might hear the phrase “breast is best” more than you hear your own name. Avoid all mommy and me classes, because you and your formula fed monster are going to be shunned from them anyway. How dare you make the selfish choice to feed your baby that liquid poison?! No bonus points awarded for a valid medical excuse, because nobody wants to hear about that anyway. What matters to the world is that you aren’t feeding your baby the magic elixir known as breast milk, you sad excuse for a mother.

Yes: You win everything. You are going to have prettier, smarter, more athletic children. They are going to grow up to be world champions, and you can go ahead and pat yourself on the back someday, knowing it was your breast milk that got them there. They will have such a head start thanks to your maternal sacrifice. Until you actually have the baby and start breastfeeding. And find out it hurts – Hurts really bad. Then your nipples start to bleed, and the baby screams for hours on end because it takes 5 DAMN DAYS for your milk to actually come in. Your milk supply might increase, eventually. Your body will *probably* make enough milk. Breastfeed for life!

So did you pass the quiz with flying colors? Fail miserably? Who knows, right?

Because the truth is, you just don’t know until you actually give birth to that tiny human. You can read all the crap pregnancy and parenting books you want, and judge the way all of us moms are currently doing things. You can watch me discipline my 3-year-old and make a vow to never handle a situation with your own child in public like I did. You can watch me feed my kids a happy meal for dinner and secretly promise your unborn child that its sacred digestive system will never know the horrors of a chicken nugget. You can sneer at the thought of me throwing in the breastfeeding towel and switching to formula, while you pat your growing stomach and tell your baby that you would never give up like I gave up. That’s perfectly fine with me, because I know you are going to eat all those words someday.

I, like you, had a birth plan, breastfeeding plan and overall understanding that I was going to be the best parent ever. I already knew exactly what was going to happen because I researched everything. Funny thing about pregnancy, delivery and newborn babies: YOU MIGHT AS WELL TOSS ALL OF YOUR PERFECT PLANS RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW. That kid comes screeching into the world, and turns it upside down. You better just be ready to survive.

I hope you get everything you want out of your pregnancies, deliveries and newborn days. I hope all your well-laid plans unfold like you dream they will. I hope you really are the best mom ever, and I can someday learn from you. However, I need you all to know that if you abandon one of your strictly laid plans, I know it’s because you are surviving. If you aren’t always the best mom ever, I know it’s because you are human. If pregnancy and delivery wasn’t rainbows and roses, I know it’s because you were misled into thinking they would be. The reality of childbirth is unpredictable and messy, leaving you with a transitioning body and tiny newborn that are both even more unpredictable and messy. I’ll be the one to understand that and support you, because I lived through that. Twice.

So my lovely, glowing mommies-to-be, don’t judge us moms too harshly and be careful with your words. We are the ones who will be here to support you on the other side of this journey you’re on. Everybody wants the absolute best for their children, but it is impossible to know what is best until faced with reality. None of us truly know what the hell we are doing in this crazy world of parenting, but I bet all our kids (maybe even my formula fed ones) are going to turn out just fine.

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My little Emmy enjoying her bottle.

If you liked this post, you will also love reading “The Perfect Mom Quest”.

Throw Out Your Resolutions!

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ 1 Comment

I hesitated for a couple of weeks to publish this post, mainly because I didn’t want to offend anybody. About 75% of the people I know made resolutions, and suuuure went to town about it on social media! The mere suggestion of me not making resolutions is bound to rub someone the wrong way.

The funny thing is – the more people who read my blog, the more feedback I get. Putting your thoughts into words and sending them into the blogosphere also means having a thick enough skin to not panic over negative feedback. I get responses via email, mostly good, on almost every post I have written. As it turns out, I end up offending at least one person with every click of the publish button! #sorrynotsorry

Read on, my dears, at your own risk of taking every word I type personally.

Just a few short weeks ago, I witnessed KATRILLIONS of social media posts about all of your new year’s resolutions. If you didn’t make a resolution then you were picking out your theme words for 2016, declaring your fitness goals or making a vow to change everything about yourself. Now comes the part where you might get offended – Basically, all I saw was a bunch of stuff revolving around how much you sucked at life in 2015, and how much you are not going to suck at life in 2016. I rolled my eyes at all of it and said, “Yea, OK people. I’ll believe it when I see it.” Yep. I did that to all of you. Behind all your backs. I can’t help it, because I was just born to be cynical and honest.

Here we are, halfway through January. All those motivating posts have been trickling down to zero. I see the same old whiny crap about how much it sucks to be sick with a cold, how much it sucks when your kids are sick with a cold, how much it sucks that you have to drive your kids to school/practice/play dates/whatever in the cold, how much it sucks when school is cancelled, how much it sucks when it is too cold to breathe outside, how you have no time for yourself, how grocery shopping is the worst, how just living your day-to-day life is so damn terrible that you have to put that negativity out into the universe for all to see and sympathize with you. Well, here’s a fact: I don’t sympathize with you, and if you think I am talking to you, personally, I am not. I am talking to everyone with a smart phone, tablet or computer. (Including myself!)

We all need to just stop it.

Stop setting ourselves up for failure. Stop setting ourselves up for disappointment. I guarantee you, next January everyone will post about how glad they are to say goodbye to 2016 and how awesome life will be in 2017.

(Wait. Wasn’t 2016 supposed to be your best year ever? Remember how you were going to lose 50 lbs, redecorate your entire house and reconnect with every friend you ever lost? None of that happened??? How shocking!)

I personally don’t believe in resolutions, theme words, unattainable fitness goals, ridiculous diet restrictions or anything of the like. You can try to call BS on me, but I can assure you I have not made one post on social media about my goals for the new year for quite some time now. I think it is all a big crock of you-know-what.

I have read a lot of articles and posts that are getting passed around recommending that I just say “no” to loved ones to free up my schedule, use this newfound free time to work on myself, choose my resolutions and pick out a word to develop the theme of my year around. Half the people I know are currently on some kind of obnoxious fad diet or spending hundreds of dollars on magical weight-loss shakes, cleanses, pills and God knows what else.They don’t shut up about it. January is literally the month of gym and protein shake selfies. There is a lot of pressure to get on board with all this hoopla. To make myself into a better me.

Why are we required to knock ourselves down and beat ourselves up when we reflect on our past year? Why do we need to make ourselves “better”? Instead of wallowing in self-pity and trying to come up with ways to make myself better, I would prefer to just virtually high-five everybody and keep on keepin’ on. What is wrong with saying, “I did my darn best to kick butt. I am going to continue to kick some butt. If I do anything different in 2016, it is to kick even more butts than I did in 2015!”?

I think I already accomplish great things in my daily life. I don’t believe that choosing a theme word and metaphorically applying it to my day is going to help me improve myself. If anything, for me it will be a waste of energy and time. I know some people swear by this every year, and if it helps motivate you, then keep doing it! I just fail to see how it would be helpful to me, since I’m not really a let’s-analyze-this-life-choice-from-all-angles-and-make-sure-I-am-living-within-my-chosen-theme kinda person. I usually just jump into situations with hope that things turn out alright. *Usually* they do, so I am going to stick with that plan. I prefer doing to thinking. I might be a cave woman.

I don’t believe I need to make a resolution to lose a ton of weight or achieve physical perfection. I know I am healthy, and we already live pretty a healthy lifestyle in my household. My body is 30 years old and has brought 2 children into the world. It is obviously NEVER going to look the way it did 10 years ago. I have (begrudgingly) accepted that, and refuse to waste money on supplements or fad diets with false hope that I will look like a Vicky Secret model. (We all know it ain’t gonna happen. I am 5′ 2″ with stretch marks and A-cup boobs. There is not a shake, cream or pill in the world that can help me.) I might as well just keep taking care of myself by continuing to eat right, work out regularly and appreciate the healthy body I have!

I love giving to others, and I am going to continue to say “yes” to my loved ones. I will probably never say “no” just to say “no”. It does not make me feel good to say “no”. One of the best things my mom ever taught me is that you can give in different ways. You can give of your time, talents or treasure. We don’t have a lot of treasure. The treasure we do have pays bills and buys groceries. I will always be happy to give my time and my talents to those who need them, appreciate them and deserve them. I know most of the people I say “yes” to will also say “yes” and give their time, talents or treasure to me when I need them most. Despite saying a lot of “yes”, I can still manage to carve out pieces of time for myself when needed. (Newsflash to naysayers: This is thanks to time management, not being a selfish jerk who says “no”  to everything just because I can.)

I’ll keep saying “yes”. I’ll keep kicking butt. And most importantly, I’ll skip the BS. I don’t have resolutions or a resounding vocab word. I don’t have a checklist of unattainable goals. I just have the desire to keep trying to be the best mom, wife, friend and person I know how to be. I am going to continue to give 100% of myself to my life, which includes saying “yes” to all the people in it.

In a nutshell, I am not going to change myself. I am not going to list all things I could be better at. I am going to keep being positive and kicking butt this year. I think you should throw out your lists of goals, resolutions and words, and just come kick some butt with me!

Seriously though. BodyCombat® is on Tuesdays. Meet me at the gym and we can roundhouse kick 2016 right in the face.

(I totally feel the same way as Matt Bellassai, but he just uses a lot more profanity! Watch and giggle here, because, “Nobody needs a newer you.” Hehe!)

KonMari: The Fuel to Feed Your Organization Monster

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ Leave a comment

I recently read “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing” by Marie Kondo.

As a friend put it, “Uh oh. Was it food to fuel your inner organization monster?”

The answer is YES. And it was so awesome. I don’t know if there are many things that can top the wonderful feeling of throwing out your own belongings. I get high as a kite off of each perfectly organized closet. Every time I open my dresser drawers I feel a surge of happiness. The KonMari way is magic, I tell you! In case you have been living under a rock and don’t know what I’m talking about, here are some links to catch you up:

All caught up? Good. Now order a copy of this book and come along with me on this journey of eliminating beautiful garbage from your family’s life!

So it all started when one of my girlfriends sent me a seemingly innocent text. It went something like, “OMG. You will love this organizing book. I just bought it, and I think I’m going to try it.” So of course, like any good ‘murican consumer, I purchased it on my Kindle immediately. I did this for 3 main reasons:

1. I am not one to pass up recommended reading. I love to read. Period.

2. After I googled it, I realized it was fast becoming a pop culture “thing”, and I just love having a good pop culture thing to talk about.

3. Because Amazon just makes it that easy. I love Amazon.

It sat on my Kindle for a while. Then I got around to actually reading it. I read a few paragraphs and got instantly annoyed. I have a *slightly* competitive nature. I need to feel like I am the champion of my own life, and kind of hate when someone suggests that I *may* be operating on a flawed system. Therefore, I have serious issues with self-help books, or basically people telling me what to do in general.

This book was no exception.

Let me just say, I had what I would have called an organized house. I regularly (at least twice a year) would donate and/or throw out unused or forgotten items. I firmly believed (Still do!) every item in your home should have a “home” – and most of the things we owned did! I never cleaned up my house by dumping stuff in bins to “sort later” – including toys. Each toy was stored in organized bins and shelves, with all their parts and pieces. Blankets and towels were folded a specific way. My throw pillows would be lined up in their assigned order on the beds and couches.

(Side note about my love for decorative pillows: When we moved in and I decorated, I spent hours rearranging pillows into every possible combination on every bed and couch. Once I found the combination of pillows that looked best, that piece of furniture was assigned its forever-toss-pillow-order. The entire room benefits from a well-assigned toss pillow. Why my husband cannot remember the pillow order assignment IS BEYOND ME. My 5-year-old knows how the pillows go, but he is a grown man and can’t remember?! So his solution is to just throw them on the furniture all pell-mell, annnnnd it annoys the HELL outta me. So now you know that. You’re welcome.)

When I straightened a room, items would go back to their strictly assigned home, and the balance of my world was restored. You didn’t look around my house and see clutter. I was doing just fine. This Marie Kondo chick is going to try tell me that my house is a hot mess? I wanted to invite her to dinner, show her my house and say, “SEE?! I’m doing just fine, thank you very much. Now get out.”

True story.

However, my competitive nature ALSO makes it damn near impossible for me to quit anything, including books I hate. I will see those suckers through to the last page, hate every minute of it and then yell at anyone who will listen how terrible that book was. (Many can vouch for this, since most people who know me were innocent victims of my “Fifty Shades of Grey” and “Twilight” warpaths. I still can’t stand hearing women swoon over that pointless, awful crap.) So I forged ahead, determined to hate this Marie Kondo and all her opinions. I swear I almost lost it when she disclosed her dislike of sweatpants. Yup. She really does hate sweatpants. Maybe she isn’t human. She says, and I quote, “If sweatpantsyogapant are your everyday attire, you’ll end up looking like you belong in them, which is not very attractive. What you wear in the house does impact your self-image.”

Biiiitch, please. I shower, put on a clean pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, go to sleep and WAKE UP DRESSED. If you can’t see the beauty in that, then keep your organizing arts and opinions on the other side of the Pacific.

Despite my being determined to finish this book and then mock the crap out of it, Marie Kondo won me over. Little by little. I found myself imagining what my own dresser drawers could look like, trying to remember the last time I actually checked what was beyond the mass of coats in the front closet and wondering how much stuff was hiding in all the deep crevices of all bedroom closets. I couldn’t help thinking about the boxes in the shed that weren’t important enough to unpack when we moved into our house 2 years ago, but were still sitting out there with who-knows-what inside. While cooking dinner, I suddenly realized my kitchen utensil drawer had become kitchen utensil DRAWERS. As in 2 full drawers of kitchen utensils. Not to mention, the specific utensil I was looking for was missing. I had 4 pizza cutters. Who needs 4 pizza cutters?! Not someone who can’t even find a spatula.

Those drawers became the most annoying thing.

I negotiated in my mind that it is not admitting defeat to spot a flaw in my system. I can rearrange 2 drawers. No problem. Then I’ll just take a nonchalant tour of the house and assess our belongings. I’ll investigate some closet corners. I’ll be the one who decides if I need to embark on the KonMari journey. It will probably be fine. Then I can tell everyone that this book is a sham, and that I am still the master of my organizational domain.

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Holy crap.

Literally. Crap. It suddenly surrounded me. The garage, shed, rooms, closets, cabinets, drawers = FULL OF CRAP.

Marie Kondo won.

I was defeated, and so it began. The clean-out to end all clean-outs. Stay tuned! 🙂

***A previous version of this post referred to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. In order to avoid confusion, this post has been updated to reflect that wanting to be organized and tidy does transfer to a medically diagnosed condition. Apologies to anybody that was previously offended by the misrepresentation of OCD.***