baby

Mommy-To-Be Knows Best

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ Leave a comment

I have reached a phase of life in which I currently know more pregnant women than non-pregnant women. I’m serious. Something is in the water, and EVERYONE is expecting.

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I was pregnant with my oldest daughter 6 years ago, so talking to most of my single, 24-year-old friends about pregnancy meant I might as well have been speaking French. I love those ladies, but telling them about childbirth was almost hilarious. They could not wrap their heads around everything my body did to bring my first-born into the world. These same women who avoided pregnant me like the plague a few years ago have gotten knocked up. Ironically, they have also become experts on all aspects of parenting over the course of their first trimester.

Listen up, mommies-to-be! Recently, a few in your ranks have felt the need to express their opinions on what they deemed right and wrong in regard to how some of us are currently parenting our living, breathing children. Let me just take a moment to say, in the kindest way possible, that you don’t know shit.

You can read all the books in the world during pregnancy, but absolutely NOTHING prepares you for what is to come. I am not trying to scare you, I am just trying to help you understand that you are wasting your time and energy focusing on everything that doesn’t matter. What matters is that everybody is healthy and happy. Sometimes making decisions based on what is perceived to be the best for mom and baby, before you even give birth, is setting yourself up for some cruel disappointment and misery. Not to mention, the way you pass judgement (Based on what exactly? An article somebody shared on Facebook?) may be offending or hurting some other moms.

Congratulations, mommies-to-be! You are embarking on a magical journey of self discovery and growing a teeny tiny human! Time to start glowing and embracing that bump! Now let’s prep you for cold, hard reality with a little pop quiz, covering some of the topics that are most frequently going to piss you off as you head into parenthood.

1. Are you married?

No: Suit up! Because the wrath of the Christians and Catholics will fall upon you, sinner. To hell with you and your demon seed! (Bonus point if you eventually get around to getting married so your parents and grandparents can sleep at night.)

Yes: You win this one, according to most of society. Plus you still have a shot at making it into Heaven after you croak, ya lucky duck! (Bonus point for being smart enough to look gorgeous in a wedding dress before pregnancy destroys you.)

2. Are you planning to have a natural childbirth?

No: You know your limits. Good for you!

Yes: Good luck. I also thought I wanted a natural childbirth, until I got a taste of active labor. I have two carefully chosen words for you: F**K THAT.

*Bonus point for realizing it doesn’t matter how you plan your delivery, because there is absolutely no way to predict how that train wreck is going to go down. Just try not to be terrified by your own body.

3. Are you going back to work after you have the baby?

No: Hope you have a skin thick enough to deflect all the demeaning comments about lazy stay-at-home moms, because we basically do nothing all day. The household pretty much runs itself, so we can pursue all kinds of leisurely hobbies. It doesn’t matter if you leave a career in neurosurgery behind you, everyone assumes you are a gold digger who popped out a kid so you don’t have to work. Now you can drink wine, do nothing and get your nails done like the rest of us stay-at-home mom slackers! Congrats on taking your life nowhere!

Yes: You don’t win either. The good old “women stayed home to raise their families in my day” guilt trips are just the tip of the iceberg for you. People are going to weigh in on your childcare options – “Ugh. She sent her kids to daycare. THE HORROR.” – And no matter what you choose, someone won’t like it. If you are lucky enough to have a relative watching the kids for you, there is now an awkward household dynamic of “Grandma knows best” VS. “Mommy knows best”. So good luck sorting through all that while trying to break through the glass ceiling.

4. Are you planning to breastfeed?

No: Oh man. I wish you well, because people are going to hate you for this. You might hear the phrase “breast is best” more than you hear your own name. Avoid all mommy and me classes, because you and your formula fed monster are going to be shunned from them anyway. How dare you make the selfish choice to feed your baby that liquid poison?! No bonus points awarded for a valid medical excuse, because nobody wants to hear about that anyway. What matters to the world is that you aren’t feeding your baby the magic elixir known as breast milk, you sad excuse for a mother.

Yes: You win everything. You are going to have prettier, smarter, more athletic children. They are going to grow up to be world champions, and you can go ahead and pat yourself on the back someday, knowing it was your breast milk that got them there. They will have such a head start thanks to your maternal sacrifice. Until you actually have the baby and start breastfeeding. And find out it hurts – Hurts really bad. Then your nipples start to bleed, and the baby screams for hours on end because it takes 5 DAMN DAYS for your milk to actually come in. Your milk supply might increase, eventually. Your body will *probably* make enough milk. Breastfeed for life!

So did you pass the quiz with flying colors? Fail miserably? Who knows, right?

Because the truth is, you just don’t know until you actually give birth to that tiny human. You can read all the crap pregnancy and parenting books you want, and judge the way all of us moms are currently doing things. You can watch me discipline my 3-year-old and make a vow to never handle a situation with your own child in public like I did. You can watch me feed my kids a happy meal for dinner and secretly promise your unborn child that its sacred digestive system will never know the horrors of a chicken nugget. You can sneer at the thought of me throwing in the breastfeeding towel and switching to formula, while you pat your growing stomach and tell your baby that you would never give up like I gave up. That’s perfectly fine with me, because I know you are going to eat all those words someday.

I, like you, had a birth plan, breastfeeding plan and overall understanding that I was going to be the best parent ever. I already knew exactly what was going to happen because I researched everything. Funny thing about pregnancy, delivery and newborn babies: YOU MIGHT AS WELL TOSS ALL OF YOUR PERFECT PLANS RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW. That kid comes screeching into the world, and turns it upside down. You better just be ready to survive.

I hope you get everything you want out of your pregnancies, deliveries and newborn days. I hope all your well-laid plans unfold like you dream they will. I hope you really are the best mom ever, and I can someday learn from you. However, I need you all to know that if you abandon one of your strictly laid plans, I know it’s because you are surviving. If you aren’t always the best mom ever, I know it’s because you are human. If pregnancy and delivery wasn’t rainbows and roses, I know it’s because you were misled into thinking they would be. The reality of childbirth is unpredictable and messy, leaving you with a transitioning body and tiny newborn that are both even more unpredictable and messy. I’ll be the one to understand that and support you, because I lived through that. Twice.

So my lovely, glowing mommies-to-be, don’t judge us moms too harshly and be careful with your words. We are the ones who will be here to support you on the other side of this journey you’re on. Everybody wants the absolute best for their children, but it is impossible to know what is best until faced with reality. None of us truly know what the hell we are doing in this crazy world of parenting, but I bet all our kids (maybe even my formula fed ones) are going to turn out just fine.

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My little Emmy enjoying her bottle.

If you liked this post, you will also love reading “The Perfect Mom Quest”.

Get Your Kids to Sleep…So You Can Sleep!

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ 2 Comments

Since starting this blog, I have been talking to other moms so much more. I find it interesting to hear how other women manage their households. It gives me insight and other perspectives. One huge thing that always comes up is how bedtime and sleep are managed. I started to become super curious after hearing so many different opinions! Every household has a different routine at bedtime and different sleep habits for their family. I guess I was under the assumption that night comes and people sleep. Seems like that would make sense, right?

Except for one shocking little detail….

So many families are getting no sleep at all.

Sure, everybody goes through what I like to call “The Months of Newborn Hell”. It is a time of feeding, burping, spit up, changing and rocking to sleep. This process is repeated every 3 hours. Unless of course your baby decides it needs to cluster feed one day. Then you can go ahead and repeat all of that on the hour for 4 hours straight. Maybe you got lucky and popped out a kid with reflux or colic??? Your only hope for sleep anytime in the near future is prayer. Sorry. Truth hurts.

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If you can navigate your way out of the months of newborn hell, you are already halfway to success! A good night’s sleep is so close you can taste it! So why are so many parents playing a nightly game of musical beds with their 2-year-olds? Why do I have friends who cannot sleep in the same bed as their husband because their 4-year-old “won’t let them”? Why am I listening to someone complain that they are getting up to give their 18-month-old a bottle at 3:00 AM?

My mind is boggled.

My kids are currently 5 and 3 years old. Since they were about 6 months old, they both have slept through the night for at least 10 hours, in their own beds, in their own rooms and in the dark. Now the next part of this post is a bit touchy because I am going to tell you how I was able to achieve this. It involves sleep training. I know there are people out there who feel very strongly against it – for whatever their reasons. I can assure you my children are perfectly fine and not even close to emotionally damaged after going through a few nights of sleep training. If you want to stop reading now – please do! I promise I won’t lose any sleep over it! (<—See what I just did there? Hehe!)

If you want to hold your kids until they fall asleep every night – Go for it!

If you want to hang out for an hour in your toddler’s room while you wait for them to fall asleep – More power to you!

If you actually like sleeping next to your kids more than your husband – Keep on keepin’ on, girl!

Some moms genuinely love falling asleep under a loving pile of their own kids. I am not here to tell you what will work for your family. I could care less what goes on under your roof at midnight. Buuuut if you are someone like me…Someone who really wants to end their day unwinding with an hour or two of adult time plus a good night’s sleep, then you need to consider sleep training those rugrats!

This plan is pretty simple. Ready???

I am only half-joking. I really did use that book as my infant sleep bible. I figured I would share this post because so many parents have openly admitted that they do not know where they went wrong at bedtime. There is a way out, and I know this because I did it! My Auntie Christy gave me a copy of this book after a night of babysitting my super-fussy-at-bedtime baby. I read it immediately, and it turns out I had no clue what I was doing at bedtime. I put the recommended sleep plan into action and never EVER looked back.

Before you begin:

  • Read the book, or at least the parts that apply to you and your household.
  • Establish a comfort object early on. These are instrumental in helping kids self-soothe. My girls each have one of these “blankies” by Angel Dear.
  • Develop a schedule in your household that works best for everyone. Set mealtimes, playtime, nap time for babies and toddlers, quiet time for kids who no longer nap, bathtime and bedtime. Be prepared to strictly enforce the schedule for a few weeks until the routine is well-established.
  • Develop a bedtime routine that you can manage to maintain EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. The bedtime routine is important, because it is what relaxes your child and prepares them for sleep. It can be as easy as a quick bath and a 5 minute bedtime story, but it needs to stay the same every night in order to establish sleep. You will want to start the bedtime routine with enough time to complete it before your scheduled bedtime.
  •  If you want to know how it works in our house, I am happy to share our bedtime routine with you all. If you don’t care, then skip it. Our routine might not be what works for you!
    • Our Bedtime Routine:
      • Around 7:00 PM I give Emmy her bath. As soon as she is done, Avery gets in the shower.
      • The girls pick out their pajamas and get dressed. They brush their hair and teeth.
      • Usually it is around 7:30 now. They each are required to do a “potty check” right before climbing into bed. (I don’t like changing wet sheets in the middle of the night. Can you blame me?)
      • Avery heads into her room to pick out a book and waits for me while I put Emmy to bed.
      • In Emmy’s room I read her one book, tuck her in with a kiss, turn off her light, and close her door.
      • I head to Avery’s room where I read her one book, tuck her in with a kiss, turn on her nightlight, turn off her light, and close her door.  (A couple months ago Avery started to be afraid of the dark. This is normal at preschool age because their imaginations are very active. We allow her to have a nightlight now. Neither of our kids used nightlights up until that point because babies are not afraid of the dark.)
      • Bedtime is over and done with by 8:00, so I usually pour a glass of wine and rejoice in my hours of adult time!
    • Notes:
      •  Both girls bring their comfort objects to bed with them.
      • They are NEVER allowed out of bed after bedtime unless there is illness or a bathroom emergency.
      • I ABSOLUTELY NEVER allow them to sleep in my bed. If there is a problem in the night such as a bad dream or potty accident – I go to them, fix the problem and tuck them back into their own bed once they are comforted. Then I head back to my own spacious bed where I stretch out and enjoy some more quality sleep.

Sooooo, you have your schedule and bedtime routine down pat? Start teaching your children to self-soothe and fall asleep independently! Follow Dr. Weissbluth’s advice based on your household type. The book is very specific, and gives suggestions according to the needs of your own individual family. He covers children of various ages, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, infant temperament, reflux, colic, and many other common topics that would have an effect on your entire family’s quality of sleep at night. I promise, no matter what your current sleep situation is, this book covers it.

 

Don’t trust my advice on all of this? I DON’T BLAME YOU!

……(I feel a rant coming on)…..

I shouldn’t have to remind you that this is a blog. Anybody can start a blog, and anybody can publish whatever crap information they would like on that blog! I absolutely refuse to follow the advice of someone who cannot support their parenting decisions with research from accredited sources. (I’m looking at you, natural mommy blogs. Cite something. For the love of God, just prove to me ANYTHING your wrote about is true! And speaking of God…No, the Bible is not a valid source of SCIENTIFIC INFORMATION. I am so glad you love Jesus, but he doesn’t know how your infant’s brain waves look during a REM sleep cycle. A pediatric sleep expert does. Amen.)

I will always do my best to provide you links to the research I did while making the parenting decisions I discuss on this blog. I will never cite another blog as a source – BECAUSE THAT IS NOT AN ACCREDITED, VALID PLACE TO OBTAIN ACCURATE INFORMATION. Unless the author of that blog can share where they obtained the information, and unless that information came from a university study, a medical journal, a book or paper published by a recognized expert in their field, or another ACCREDITED SOURCE – Do you see where I am going with this yet?! – I can only assume they made all that stuff up.

(End Rant.)

OK. I feel better now. Here’s some information:

The information I used to establish my family’s sleep habits came from Northwestern Children’s Practice and Children’s Hospital Colorado, as well as Dr. Weissbluth’s “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” book.

Who is Dr. Marc Weissbluth?

“Dr. Weissbluth graduated from Stanford University and Washington University Medical School. He completed his pediatric training at St. Louis Children’s Hospital and is a Professor of Clinical Pediatrics at Northwestern University School of Medicine. His interests include infant and child development, colic / crying, and childhood sleep problems. He is also the author of numerous publications, including books for parents such as Crybabies, Sweet Baby: How to Soothe Your Newborn, Your Fussy Baby, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins. “

Here is a link to some great info about night feeding by Barton D. Schmitte, M.D., pediatrician at Children’s Hospital Colorado.

Still struggling with your child’s sleep? You can find infant sleep consultants at Northwestern Children’s Practice, right here in the good old Windy City. Here is their link to some handy handouts about infant sleep.

Did you enjoy this post? You might also like this one!

The Perfect Mom Quest

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ 4 Comments

Something has happened to our generation of moms. Something terrible. We have lost our common sense in our quest to be perfect.

Our mothers and grandmothers didn’t have the internet or “How To” books for parenting. They went off their instincts, and if that didn’t work, they talked to their mothers, aunts, friends and neighbors for advice. They didn’t always follow it, but in the end we all turned out to be healthy and functioning human beings. That was what mattered, right?

The internet is an endless supply of information. Google search “how to make baby food” and you literally have thousands of options, methods and instructions right there in front of you. The same thing applies to diaper creams, medicated ointments, and basically anything else you can use on a baby. Here is the thing that pisses me off – some of this stuff is pure crap.

Did you know ANYBODY can start a website?! (I started one!)

Did you know that anybody can publish ANYTHING THEY WANT on said website? (I am typing whatever the hell I want right now!)

Did you know that if they are making claims and giving advice it is most likely a bunch of bullshit unless they can cite their information from a credible source? (I bet you are now vaguely remembering high school bibliographies with loathing. You’re welcome.)

Our generation of moms can turn to the internet for any parenting obstacle. Forget common sense. You can just Google it. Who cares what your Gram says? She only managed to raise five respectful and successful kids in a single income household! Screw what the pediatrician says. Why would we listen to someone who completed 8+ years of college and medical school followed by 3+ years of residency when we can just read some random Perfect Mom’s blog and follow her advice? I am sure she is qualified to give sound medical guidance on the health of our families.

Oh wait. Did she even graduate high school? Her children seem OK in the pictures, but are they ACTUALLY healthy and OK? We will never know, my friends! We will only see what she wants us to see, because she can say whatever she wants on that big, bad blog of hers. She doesn’t have to produce any credentials to hit the publish button, and people read it. I am weeping for every scientist and medical professional who has ever published solid research. Published research is boring, but jumping on the hip Perfect Mom bandwagon is fun! Let’s all forgo our educations and parent our kids based on current trends!

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I spent HOURS upon HOURS on the internet. I refer to this as the Perfect Mom Quest. I became obsessed with the notion of being the Perfect Mom. So much so that I pushed aside all common sense instincts and read as much of those crap mommy blogs as I possibly could. Naturally, (no pun intended) I came to the following conclusions:

  • I was going to have a natural delivery (even considering home birth) because any mom worth anything pushes their kid out of their vagina drug free.
  • I would make my own organic baby food, because jars of baby food have chemicals. Which chemicals? IT DOESN’T MATTER! HOMEMADE ORGANIC WAS THE ONLY SAFE WAY TO GO!
  • I was going to breastfeed exclusively because if I gave my baby formula her brain would be underdeveloped, plus she might get cancer. JESUS. Might as well call that stuff liquid death.
  • I was never going to give my baby acetaminophen or ibuprofen because, “OMG! I read a blog that said these medications are poison. I would be administering POISON to my child! What kind of tricks are these pediatricians trying to pull!?”
  • I was only going to use cloth diapers because I read another blog saying disposable diapers WILL give your child severe diaper rash. HOLY SHIT. My kid will never have diaper rash. I will not allow it. I will only use cloth diapers. Are those disposable diaper parents freaking insane!? Why would anyone willingly give diaper rash to their baby?!
  • I was not going to vaccinate because Jenny McCarthy said it gave her kid autism, plus kids die from adverse reaction to vaccines. How many kids? Who cares?! It is killing children! Vaccination is obviously a tool put on Earth to defeat mankind.

I know. Exhausting. If only I could go back in time and slap myself senseless, and then slap myself some more until I was once again sane. I was smarter than that! I have a Bachelor of Science for Christ’s sake! I couldn’t complete one lab in NIU’s Anderson Hall without citing a study. I couldn’t turn in a project unless I had proof that my stated facts came from somewhere credible. My professors wouldn’t have given an uncited project one glance. I should have been able to avoid falling for this Perfect Mom crap right?

Once I had my baby I realized this quest was not only unrealistic, but also so time and energy consuming that I could barely handle it. Why was I putting myself through all this when there was no actual proof that my baby would turn out to be a super genius or Olympic athlete? That was the end of Perfect Mom Quest.

  • I ended up having a C-section because Avery was Frank breech. Had I done a home birth, I firmly believe one of us would not have come out of that situation healthy. Good-bye to natural delivery, and thank goodness for my obstetrician!
  • Making my own organic baby food was messy, just as expensive – if not more expensive – and a huge pain in the ass. I wasted a few hours of my life on it, then decided there were better ways to spend my time. My kids ate the toxic Gerber (which is actually not toxic at all – see below) for a couple months, and I switched them to finger foods. They are alive and healthy. Why is this short transition from liquid to finger foods plagued with puree controversy?!
  • I hated breastfeeding. Hated it. I suffered through sixteen weeks of zero sleep, bleeding nipples, low milk supply and throbbing let-downs before I finally gave up on the whole thing. While watching Cody feed Avery a bottle of formula, I wept. I still can’t tell you if it was out of guilt that I had given up or flat-out relief that breastfeeding was over. Then I went to bed (Since my boobs were no longer needed – Thank the Lord!) and slept while he worked his first all-night feeding shift. I woke up as a new woman and never looked back.
  • Once my kids hit 6 months, I gave them ibuprofen and acetaminophen when it was appropriate. Seeing your child sick and in pain is hard. If I have a headache, I take medicine and feel better. Why would I want my kids to cry in pain when I know I have something that will help? Turns out using medications properly is perfectly safe and healthy. (see below)
  • Here are fun facts you don’t find on a Perfect Mom blog about cloth diapers: They are disgusting and time consuming. Also – Disposable diapers don’t give your baby diaper rash. Poop and pee on skin give your baby diaper rash. I lasted 2 months using cloth diapers. My washing machine and gag reflex thanked me when I finally snapped and bought Huggies.
  • My kids are vaccinated and have been since day one. My pediatrician BEGGED me to do accurate research. She would treat my kids either way, but it was strongly encouraged that I make an educated decision rather than a “But I read it on a Perfect Mom blog” decision. I love my pediatrician. She knew how to tame my crazy.

I happen to know many women who are, in fact, Perfect Moms. They are breastfeeding like champions and pureeing baby food like it is their job. They are washing their cloth diapers without gagging and pushed their kids out – all natural and drug free – like they were supposed to. Cheers to them! They must have their own good reasons if they are putting themselves through all of that hot mess. I always get down on myself when talking to these moms. They never fail to remind me with a snarky little smile that they are, “Just doing what is best for baby!” or the good old, “Mommies make sacrifices!”

Yep. I am currently sacrificing the joy of ripping out your hair, Lady.

Being a new mom is like that high school girl vs. girl competition all over again. You can’t be in the Perfect Mom club unless you have successfully completed the Perfect Mom Quest.

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I guess I am kicked out of the club. Rebel for life!

Truth be told, when Perfect Mom’s child stands next to Avery (a.k.a. my vaccinated, medicated, formula-drinking, Huggies-wearing, Gerber-eating child who was delivered via C-section) at the preschool music show, all I see is two happy and healthy kids. I can’t look at that group of 24 kids and pick out the breastfed ones. I couldn’t tell you which ones had homemade organic purees when they were 9 months old. All I can tell you is that they still made it through their first year of preschool….Regardless of all that.

I am reminding myself and all other moms like me that we did a good job.  We did the research and made parenting decisions based on what we knew in both head and heart was best for our families. As a result, our kids are just as happy and healthy as Perfect Mom’s organic, all natural kids.

You know what that makes us?

Perfect Moms.

Want to know where I did my research? Here you go:

My decision to vaccinate my kids:

Here is the World Health Organization’s vaccine reaction rates website. You can click on each vaccine and get a breakdown of every possible adverse reaction to the vaccines, including worldwide statistical data.

Here is the Autism Science Foundation’s website for autism and vaccination. There are countless studies listed that provide solid evidence against autism being related to vaccination.

Here is some info on herd immunity from the University of Oxford.

 My decision to buy Gerber baby food purees:

Here is Gerber’s website. They have USDA certified organic baby foods, which also means the crops are not genetically modified. If you have also done research, you would know anything with an USDA certified organic label cannot contain any GM foods.

You can look up the full ingredient list for any of their baby foods. Here is an example with peaches. These are their standard peaches, not the organic. Click on the nutrition information tab below the product’s picture for the full ingredient list. (Like any other food you buy in the grocery store, baby food has to follow the FDA guidelines for food labeling.)

I made sure all the Gerber purees that I used for my kids only contained the fruit/vegetables of choice, water, and either ascorbic acid or citric acid. What are those? They are natural preservatives! Ascorbic acid is vitamin C. It can be used as a preservative for food by preventing oxidation. It can also be used as a vitamin C supplement. Your body needs vitamin C to help absorb iron. An excess of vitamin C in the system is very rare because it is a water soluble vitamin. Citric acid is a naturally occurring acid in citrus fruits. It is used as a preservative to slow down oxidation of food. Have you ever squeezed lemon juice over apple slices to keep them from browning? Or lime juice into guacamole? You just preserved your food with citric acid. Don’t trust me? Click on the links above!

My decision to use over-the-counter medication to treat high fever or pain:

Here is KidsHealth.org’s information on the safety of ibuprofen and how to use it correctly. Here is their page for correct use of acetaminophen.

KidsHealth.org is a good resource for parents. It is managed by the Nemours Foundation, a not-for-profit dedicated to education for children’s health.

Here is the popular WebMD website’s advice for young children and ibuprofen use.

Booberry Cancakes

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ 2 Comments

I am not a morning person.

I have childhood memories of my mother literally, physically dragging me out of bed as I fought her off in a sleepy haze. I also have unfortunate memories of hitting the snooze button way too many times in my early adult life, and consequently rushing to work/class/anything I ever had to attend before 10:00 AM. I would shamelessly burn rubber into the Starbucks drive thru and risk running another 10 minutes behind schedule. There was no way on God’s Green Earth I would make it through the lecture (that had already started) or bank teller shift (that started in 4 minutes) without a venti-with-an-extra-shot dose of caffeine. Once the first few sips of coffee were ingested, my eyes would open up. The world was no longer a bright, glaring, evil place. I would realize the sun was out and I had stuff to get done. I would silently scold myself for sleeping in as I muttered an apology to my boss or professor. I would run to my seat and get to work. Crap. Late again.

If you are a “tsk-tsking morning person”, you should know that I am fully aware and ashamed of the fact that if I hadn’t hit the snooze for 45 minutes I would have been on time. I envy your ability to pop out of bed in a cheery-ass, obnoxious mood and begin your day without wasting $5 on a large coffee. That must be so great for you! For me that morning struggle was REAL. So keep your “tsking” to yourself. Thanks.

Suddenly I became a mother in my mid-twenties, and I also had to become a morning person whether I liked it or not. It wasn’t too hard, actually. A tiny, helpless human crying for me was a good motivator. I bought a Keurig. I would wake up to feed the baby and then stumble over to the coffee machine. It wasn’t so bad. I even started watching the morning news while I sipped my coffee and ate some breakfast of my own. How grown up and “morning person” of me!

But, alas! Old habits die hard. I wish I could say I am a good mom who gets up with the sun to scramble eggs and start the laundry. I wish I could tell you that I am showered, dressed and watching the news while sipping my cup of coffee before my kids even wake up. I just am not. I usually stay asleep until one of my kids wakes up. I have come to terms with the fact that despite my best efforts at getting it together before 7:00 AM, I will never truly be a morning person. Just because I am usually awake by then doesn’t mean I enjoy it!

The. Struggle. Is. Still. Real.

Nowadays, my morning can go two completely different ways. This depends solely on which child wakes up first. (I suppose my morning could go a third way if I would just get my ass out of bed a half hour earlier…But that is not the point of this post…So I guess we won’t be discussing that third option today. Yea, I know. Tsk tsk.)

Morning #1:

Avery wakes up first. She tiptoes into my room and crawls into bed with me to snuggle. Sometimes she falls back asleep. (Yay! Bonus sleep!) When she is ready to get up she whispers, “Mommy, can we get up and have breakfast?” Nine times out of ten she will request Cheerios and banana. She usually lays in my bed until I tell her breakfast is ready, which gives me time to start my coffee and throw on some clothes in peace. She will tiptoe into the kitchen and eat, while I sip some coffee. Simple, easy and minimal dishes. She even puts her bowl in the sink when she is finishes. She usually asks to watch a kids’ show after, and I let her because she is just so darn good to me in the mornings. This gives me extra time to get a few things together before Emmy wakes up. The morning runs smoothly. Everybody is happy and satisfied. I love these mornings.

Morning #2:

Emmy wakes up first. I hear her stomp down the hall and fling open my door. I brace myself.

“Mommy! Wake up!” She stands right next to my face on the side of the bed.

“Mommy! OPEN EYES!” I open my eyes in bewilderment.

“I hungry.” She stares at me.

If I take more than 5 seconds to stretch and assemble my thoughts, she goes into full drill sergeant mode.

“Mommy! Time to wake up! Time to eat freckfast!” (She calls breakfast freckfast.)

I run to the bathroom and lock the door, because I know if I don’t she will be barging in there to harass me through all my business. She bangs on the door.

“MOMMY! YOU IN DER???”

Yes, honey. I am in here. You watched me walk in here.

“I HUNGRY!!! YOU HURRY UP??”

I stumble to the kitchen to get that coffee maker brewing, while she barks at my heels, “Cancakes! Mommy! Cancakes!” (She calls pancakes cancakes.)

“Muffins, Mom! Wif toast! And jelly. JELLY. MOM! THE JELLY IN DA FRIDGE!”

I shush her because I know where the damn jelly is. Tell her to keep her voice down and not to wake her sister. I suggest cereal. Granola bars. Yogurt. Fresh fruit. Please. Anything that doesn’t require pans, mixing bowls, eggs and effort.

“NO! I no eat dat! I want hot muffins. In oven. I want CANCAKES! BOOBERRY CANCAKES!!!” (Yep. She calls blueberries booberries.)

By this time Avery is groggily making her way down the hallway in just as much of a stupor as me, because all these noisy demands have woken her up too. Her eyes snap all the way open at the suggestion of blueberry pancakes. Now she chimes in, “Mommy, can you please make blueberry pancakes for us?” While Emmy doesn’t let up, “Yea, Mom! CANCAKESSSS! YAAAAYYY!”

Since I have been out of bed for approximately 3 minutes and haven’t had any coffee yet, I have no energy to fight it. I sigh and get out the mixing bowl while they skip laps around the kitchen table, chanting:

“Blueberry pancakes! BOOBERRY CANCAKES! Blueberry! BOOBERRY! Pancakes! CANCAKES! Yummy! HURRY! Yummy! HURRY!”

I make the pancakes, and they devour every bite on their plates. I manage to finally get that cup of coffee poured. Ahhhh. Bliss. My head clears. I look around. Maple syrup is on every surface of the kitchen. I wipe it all up. Now where are the kids? Probably touching all the TV remotes, tablets, and doorknobs we own with their sticky, maple syrup fingers. Oh well. Everybody is happy and satisfied, albeit we got there a different way than Morning #1.

Might as well sit back, relax and enjoy some booberry cancakes.

🙂 Kaitlyn

P.S. We pick our own blueberries every summer! Click here to find out how you can pick your own too!