mommy

Mommy-To-Be Knows Best

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ Leave a comment

I have reached a phase of life in which I currently know more pregnant women than non-pregnant women. I’m serious. Something is in the water, and EVERYONE is expecting.

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I was pregnant with my oldest daughter 6 years ago, so talking to most of my single, 24-year-old friends about pregnancy meant I might as well have been speaking French. I love those ladies, but telling them about childbirth was almost hilarious. They could not wrap their heads around everything my body did to bring my first-born into the world. These same women who avoided pregnant me like the plague a few years ago have gotten knocked up. Ironically, they have also become experts on all aspects of parenting over the course of their first trimester.

Listen up, mommies-to-be! Recently, a few in your ranks have felt the need to express their opinions on what they deemed right and wrong in regard to how some of us are currently parenting our living, breathing children. Let me just take a moment to say, in the kindest way possible, that you don’t know shit.

You can read all the books in the world during pregnancy, but absolutely NOTHING prepares you for what is to come. I am not trying to scare you, I am just trying to help you understand that you are wasting your time and energy focusing on everything that doesn’t matter. What matters is that everybody is healthy and happy. Sometimes making decisions based on what is perceived to be the best for mom and baby, before you even give birth, is setting yourself up for some cruel disappointment and misery. Not to mention, the way you pass judgement (Based on what exactly? An article somebody shared on Facebook?) may be offending or hurting some other moms.

Congratulations, mommies-to-be! You are embarking on a magical journey of self discovery and growing a teeny tiny human! Time to start glowing and embracing that bump! Now let’s prep you for cold, hard reality with a little pop quiz, covering some of the topics that are most frequently going to piss you off as you head into parenthood.

1. Are you married?

No: Suit up! Because the wrath of the Christians and Catholics will fall upon you, sinner. To hell with you and your demon seed! (Bonus point if you eventually get around to getting married so your parents and grandparents can sleep at night.)

Yes: You win this one, according to most of society. Plus you still have a shot at making it into Heaven after you croak, ya lucky duck! (Bonus point for being smart enough to look gorgeous in a wedding dress before pregnancy destroys you.)

2. Are you planning to have a natural childbirth?

No: You know your limits. Good for you!

Yes: Good luck. I also thought I wanted a natural childbirth, until I got a taste of active labor. I have two carefully chosen words for you: F**K THAT.

*Bonus point for realizing it doesn’t matter how you plan your delivery, because there is absolutely no way to predict how that train wreck is going to go down. Just try not to be terrified by your own body.

3. Are you going back to work after you have the baby?

No: Hope you have a skin thick enough to deflect all the demeaning comments about lazy stay-at-home moms, because we basically do nothing all day. The household pretty much runs itself, so we can pursue all kinds of leisurely hobbies. It doesn’t matter if you leave a career in neurosurgery behind you, everyone assumes you are a gold digger who popped out a kid so you don’t have to work. Now you can drink wine, do nothing and get your nails done like the rest of us stay-at-home mom slackers! Congrats on taking your life nowhere!

Yes: You don’t win either. The good old “women stayed home to raise their families in my day” guilt trips are just the tip of the iceberg for you. People are going to weigh in on your childcare options – “Ugh. She sent her kids to daycare. THE HORROR.” – And no matter what you choose, someone won’t like it. If you are lucky enough to have a relative watching the kids for you, there is now an awkward household dynamic of “Grandma knows best” VS. “Mommy knows best”. So good luck sorting through all that while trying to break through the glass ceiling.

4. Are you planning to breastfeed?

No: Oh man. I wish you well, because people are going to hate you for this. You might hear the phrase “breast is best” more than you hear your own name. Avoid all mommy and me classes, because you and your formula fed monster are going to be shunned from them anyway. How dare you make the selfish choice to feed your baby that liquid poison?! No bonus points awarded for a valid medical excuse, because nobody wants to hear about that anyway. What matters to the world is that you aren’t feeding your baby the magic elixir known as breast milk, you sad excuse for a mother.

Yes: You win everything. You are going to have prettier, smarter, more athletic children. They are going to grow up to be world champions, and you can go ahead and pat yourself on the back someday, knowing it was your breast milk that got them there. They will have such a head start thanks to your maternal sacrifice. Until you actually have the baby and start breastfeeding. And find out it hurts – Hurts really bad. Then your nipples start to bleed, and the baby screams for hours on end because it takes 5 DAMN DAYS for your milk to actually come in. Your milk supply might increase, eventually. Your body will *probably* make enough milk. Breastfeed for life!

So did you pass the quiz with flying colors? Fail miserably? Who knows, right?

Because the truth is, you just don’t know until you actually give birth to that tiny human. You can read all the crap pregnancy and parenting books you want, and judge the way all of us moms are currently doing things. You can watch me discipline my 3-year-old and make a vow to never handle a situation with your own child in public like I did. You can watch me feed my kids a happy meal for dinner and secretly promise your unborn child that its sacred digestive system will never know the horrors of a chicken nugget. You can sneer at the thought of me throwing in the breastfeeding towel and switching to formula, while you pat your growing stomach and tell your baby that you would never give up like I gave up. That’s perfectly fine with me, because I know you are going to eat all those words someday.

I, like you, had a birth plan, breastfeeding plan and overall understanding that I was going to be the best parent ever. I already knew exactly what was going to happen because I researched everything. Funny thing about pregnancy, delivery and newborn babies: YOU MIGHT AS WELL TOSS ALL OF YOUR PERFECT PLANS RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW. That kid comes screeching into the world, and turns it upside down. You better just be ready to survive.

I hope you get everything you want out of your pregnancies, deliveries and newborn days. I hope all your well-laid plans unfold like you dream they will. I hope you really are the best mom ever, and I can someday learn from you. However, I need you all to know that if you abandon one of your strictly laid plans, I know it’s because you are surviving. If you aren’t always the best mom ever, I know it’s because you are human. If pregnancy and delivery wasn’t rainbows and roses, I know it’s because you were misled into thinking they would be. The reality of childbirth is unpredictable and messy, leaving you with a transitioning body and tiny newborn that are both even more unpredictable and messy. I’ll be the one to understand that and support you, because I lived through that. Twice.

So my lovely, glowing mommies-to-be, don’t judge us moms too harshly and be careful with your words. We are the ones who will be here to support you on the other side of this journey you’re on. Everybody wants the absolute best for their children, but it is impossible to know what is best until faced with reality. None of us truly know what the hell we are doing in this crazy world of parenting, but I bet all our kids (maybe even my formula fed ones) are going to turn out just fine.

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My little Emmy enjoying her bottle.

If you liked this post, you will also love reading “The Perfect Mom Quest”.

Everything is Covered in Glitter

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ 1 Comment

Everything I own is covered in glitter.

No matter how much I vacuum. No matter how much I dust, sweep and mop.

GLITTER. Freaking everywhere.

This might make you question where I live….Is it a night club? Some kind of Christmas twilight zone? A preschool classroom gone wrong? A land of never-ending fairy tales?

Yes. Yes. Yes. And YES. I live in some kind of curious amalgam of these places.

I live with two little girls. They are 5 and 3 years old. If you also live with little girls, please nod your head in understanding as you give me a pat on the back through your computer. I know you get it. For those of you that don’t have this particular honor, I will elaborate.

These little girls are constantly changing their outfits and playing dress up. Their dress up clothes are covered in glitter and rhinestones. The gaudier the better! They wear these princess outfits all over my house. They sit on the furniture to drink tea and hold court. They dance and twirl down the hallways. They whip through this place in a tornado of shimmering tutus, royal jewels and giggles. So my furniture is permanently covered in glitter. In fact, the glitter has worked its way into the fibers of all the upholstery. It doesn’t even vacuum up anymore. All I need to do is dim the lights and the couch looks like a booth in a low-class nightclub.

The Christmas decorations came out this weekend. I love Christmas, and I love that my girls love Christmas. The more Christmas stuff, the better! Except that I spent time working the decorations strategically into my home’s decor, and my daughters have zero regard for visual balance in a room. My careful consideration of where to place my Christmas things is fruitless. Every Christmas decoration looks like a toy to them. Their tiny fingers just can’t resist picking things up to look at them and move them around. Some of the Christmas things are sparkly. Some of the sparkles fall off because they are not meant to be played with by little hands. These sparkles and glitter sprinkle the floors, shelves and end tables that these items were placed on. Curious little girls have no concept of when their mom last dusted those exact surfaces. (AHEM….Yesterday.) So I basically am living in a never-ending sparkle dust nightmare, and it would take a Christmas miracle to wake me up.

I love crafts and art projects, and I love doing them with my kids. I actually talked Cody into converting a large closet into an art space for the kids. We do crafts and art projects daily. Clearly, art with these fairy princesses means:

“It’s not finished unless it sparkles.”

We have a plethora of gems, rhinestones, sparkle paint, sparkle glue, sparkle beads and – you guessed it – glitter. In every shade of the rainbow. No matter how much I supervise and try to control the art chaos, I end up sweeping up a glitter shitstorm every afternoon. What is it about glitter that just makes it migrate everywhere?! As I sweep the floors, my eyes catch tiny glints in the grooves of the wood. Just taunting me. Asking why I don’t care enough to get down on my hands and knees to obliterate every last flake of glitter from my floors once and for all? The answer is simple: Because it will be back tomorrow….And the next day…And the day after that. For every flake of glitter I clean up, two more will allude me until the sun reaches the right angle in the sky. Then I will see another glint….And another….And then even more glints come evening once the lights get turned on. Just thinking about it is enough to make me go bat-shit crazy! So I’ll just continue to sweep what I can, and pretend like I did a good job. For my sanity. Screw those out-of-reach flakes in the floor grooves! They add character to the house.

The imaginations of a preschooler and toddler know no bounds. I love that they play pretend. I love that they really believe pixie dust will make them fly. I even love the fact that glitter looks a lot like pixie dust. Our glitter stash from the aforementioned daily craft party is kept on the high shelf in their art space. Turns out, Avery can reach this shelf with the help of a chair to stand on. I know this for a fact. Because today I came around the corner and found the girls chanting,

“Faith, trust and PIXIE DUST!”

Avery began tossing handfuls of glitter on Emmy’s head. She then instructed her little sister,

“Keep your eyes closed and think your happy thoughts, Em! After you start to fly you have to give me some pixie dust so I can fly too, OK?”

Poor Emmy. She really thought she was going to fly. Her face was pinched up with the effort of thinking all those happy thoughts, and her chubby little 3-year-old arms were flapping like she was about to take off. Flecks of glitter were falling over her cheeks and working their way into her clothes. There was an actual PILE of glitter on the top of that kid’s head.

I immediately flared with pure, red anger. How dare those little stinkers drag a chair over to the high art shelf and take down some of its forbidden contents! What on earth went through their heads when they thought that tossing HANDFULS of glitter over the freshly vacuumed carpet would ever be acceptable? And more importantly…..WHO THE HELL DID THEY THINK WAS GOING TO CLEAN THIS MESS UP?!

Then the anger faded and I just smiled. Because I remember what it was like to be an imaginative little girl. I remember what it was like to get so wrapped up in your playtime fairy tale story, that you forget about the everyday rules. I remember trying to explain to adults that I didn’t mean to make a mess, it just happened. In Neverland pixie dust makes you fly, and definitely doesn’t need to be cleaned up. These two little girls were in Neverland, not my living room. They were sprinkling pixie dust, not glitter. And they were going to fly! How exciting is that?

In my moment of reflection, Avery looked up at me and said, “MOM! We found Tinkerbell’s pixie dust! We are going to figure out how to use it to fly! Do you want to fly with us?!”

I told her I couldn’t fly. Pixie dust is only for kids, so they can get to Neverland. Grown-ups are not allowed there, because it is the place where kids never grow up. Then I picked Emmy up and spun her around, because after all that hard work thinking happy thoughts, a little girl covered in pixie dust should definitely get to fly! We spent the afternoon playing “pixie dust”. The girls sprinkled each other with glitter and thought happy thoughts. I picked them up and flew them around. We ran out of glitter and our tummies hurt from giggling. Once we came back home from Neverland, the girls helped me sweep and vacuum what could be picked up. The rest of the glitter flecks worked their way into the carpet fibers and grooves of the wood floor, joining the ones that were already there. To taunt me until the end of time. Oh well.

So yes. Everything I own is covered in glitter. I just needed a little faith, trust and pixie dust to realize that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

If you liked reading about my silly kids in this post, you can read more about their antics here!

Found on Google Images
Found on Google Images

Get Your Kids to Sleep…So You Can Sleep!

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ 2 Comments

Since starting this blog, I have been talking to other moms so much more. I find it interesting to hear how other women manage their households. It gives me insight and other perspectives. One huge thing that always comes up is how bedtime and sleep are managed. I started to become super curious after hearing so many different opinions! Every household has a different routine at bedtime and different sleep habits for their family. I guess I was under the assumption that night comes and people sleep. Seems like that would make sense, right?

Except for one shocking little detail….

So many families are getting no sleep at all.

Sure, everybody goes through what I like to call “The Months of Newborn Hell”. It is a time of feeding, burping, spit up, changing and rocking to sleep. This process is repeated every 3 hours. Unless of course your baby decides it needs to cluster feed one day. Then you can go ahead and repeat all of that on the hour for 4 hours straight. Maybe you got lucky and popped out a kid with reflux or colic??? Your only hope for sleep anytime in the near future is prayer. Sorry. Truth hurts.

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If you can navigate your way out of the months of newborn hell, you are already halfway to success! A good night’s sleep is so close you can taste it! So why are so many parents playing a nightly game of musical beds with their 2-year-olds? Why do I have friends who cannot sleep in the same bed as their husband because their 4-year-old “won’t let them”? Why am I listening to someone complain that they are getting up to give their 18-month-old a bottle at 3:00 AM?

My mind is boggled.

My kids are currently 5 and 3 years old. Since they were about 6 months old, they both have slept through the night for at least 10 hours, in their own beds, in their own rooms and in the dark. Now the next part of this post is a bit touchy because I am going to tell you how I was able to achieve this. It involves sleep training. I know there are people out there who feel very strongly against it – for whatever their reasons. I can assure you my children are perfectly fine and not even close to emotionally damaged after going through a few nights of sleep training. If you want to stop reading now – please do! I promise I won’t lose any sleep over it! (<—See what I just did there? Hehe!)

If you want to hold your kids until they fall asleep every night – Go for it!

If you want to hang out for an hour in your toddler’s room while you wait for them to fall asleep – More power to you!

If you actually like sleeping next to your kids more than your husband – Keep on keepin’ on, girl!

Some moms genuinely love falling asleep under a loving pile of their own kids. I am not here to tell you what will work for your family. I could care less what goes on under your roof at midnight. Buuuut if you are someone like me…Someone who really wants to end their day unwinding with an hour or two of adult time plus a good night’s sleep, then you need to consider sleep training those rugrats!

This plan is pretty simple. Ready???

I am only half-joking. I really did use that book as my infant sleep bible. I figured I would share this post because so many parents have openly admitted that they do not know where they went wrong at bedtime. There is a way out, and I know this because I did it! My Auntie Christy gave me a copy of this book after a night of babysitting my super-fussy-at-bedtime baby. I read it immediately, and it turns out I had no clue what I was doing at bedtime. I put the recommended sleep plan into action and never EVER looked back.

Before you begin:

  • Read the book, or at least the parts that apply to you and your household.
  • Establish a comfort object early on. These are instrumental in helping kids self-soothe. My girls each have one of these “blankies” by Angel Dear.
  • Develop a schedule in your household that works best for everyone. Set mealtimes, playtime, nap time for babies and toddlers, quiet time for kids who no longer nap, bathtime and bedtime. Be prepared to strictly enforce the schedule for a few weeks until the routine is well-established.
  • Develop a bedtime routine that you can manage to maintain EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. The bedtime routine is important, because it is what relaxes your child and prepares them for sleep. It can be as easy as a quick bath and a 5 minute bedtime story, but it needs to stay the same every night in order to establish sleep. You will want to start the bedtime routine with enough time to complete it before your scheduled bedtime.
  •  If you want to know how it works in our house, I am happy to share our bedtime routine with you all. If you don’t care, then skip it. Our routine might not be what works for you!
    • Our Bedtime Routine:
      • Around 7:00 PM I give Emmy her bath. As soon as she is done, Avery gets in the shower.
      • The girls pick out their pajamas and get dressed. They brush their hair and teeth.
      • Usually it is around 7:30 now. They each are required to do a “potty check” right before climbing into bed. (I don’t like changing wet sheets in the middle of the night. Can you blame me?)
      • Avery heads into her room to pick out a book and waits for me while I put Emmy to bed.
      • In Emmy’s room I read her one book, tuck her in with a kiss, turn off her light, and close her door.
      • I head to Avery’s room where I read her one book, tuck her in with a kiss, turn on her nightlight, turn off her light, and close her door.  (A couple months ago Avery started to be afraid of the dark. This is normal at preschool age because their imaginations are very active. We allow her to have a nightlight now. Neither of our kids used nightlights up until that point because babies are not afraid of the dark.)
      • Bedtime is over and done with by 8:00, so I usually pour a glass of wine and rejoice in my hours of adult time!
    • Notes:
      •  Both girls bring their comfort objects to bed with them.
      • They are NEVER allowed out of bed after bedtime unless there is illness or a bathroom emergency.
      • I ABSOLUTELY NEVER allow them to sleep in my bed. If there is a problem in the night such as a bad dream or potty accident – I go to them, fix the problem and tuck them back into their own bed once they are comforted. Then I head back to my own spacious bed where I stretch out and enjoy some more quality sleep.

Sooooo, you have your schedule and bedtime routine down pat? Start teaching your children to self-soothe and fall asleep independently! Follow Dr. Weissbluth’s advice based on your household type. The book is very specific, and gives suggestions according to the needs of your own individual family. He covers children of various ages, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, infant temperament, reflux, colic, and many other common topics that would have an effect on your entire family’s quality of sleep at night. I promise, no matter what your current sleep situation is, this book covers it.

 

Don’t trust my advice on all of this? I DON’T BLAME YOU!

……(I feel a rant coming on)…..

I shouldn’t have to remind you that this is a blog. Anybody can start a blog, and anybody can publish whatever crap information they would like on that blog! I absolutely refuse to follow the advice of someone who cannot support their parenting decisions with research from accredited sources. (I’m looking at you, natural mommy blogs. Cite something. For the love of God, just prove to me ANYTHING your wrote about is true! And speaking of God…No, the Bible is not a valid source of SCIENTIFIC INFORMATION. I am so glad you love Jesus, but he doesn’t know how your infant’s brain waves look during a REM sleep cycle. A pediatric sleep expert does. Amen.)

I will always do my best to provide you links to the research I did while making the parenting decisions I discuss on this blog. I will never cite another blog as a source – BECAUSE THAT IS NOT AN ACCREDITED, VALID PLACE TO OBTAIN ACCURATE INFORMATION. Unless the author of that blog can share where they obtained the information, and unless that information came from a university study, a medical journal, a book or paper published by a recognized expert in their field, or another ACCREDITED SOURCE – Do you see where I am going with this yet?! – I can only assume they made all that stuff up.

(End Rant.)

OK. I feel better now. Here’s some information:

The information I used to establish my family’s sleep habits came from Northwestern Children’s Practice and Children’s Hospital Colorado, as well as Dr. Weissbluth’s “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” book.

Who is Dr. Marc Weissbluth?

“Dr. Weissbluth graduated from Stanford University and Washington University Medical School. He completed his pediatric training at St. Louis Children’s Hospital and is a Professor of Clinical Pediatrics at Northwestern University School of Medicine. His interests include infant and child development, colic / crying, and childhood sleep problems. He is also the author of numerous publications, including books for parents such as Crybabies, Sweet Baby: How to Soothe Your Newborn, Your Fussy Baby, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins. “

Here is a link to some great info about night feeding by Barton D. Schmitte, M.D., pediatrician at Children’s Hospital Colorado.

Still struggling with your child’s sleep? You can find infant sleep consultants at Northwestern Children’s Practice, right here in the good old Windy City. Here is their link to some handy handouts about infant sleep.

Did you enjoy this post? You might also like this one!

What Happened to My Twenties?

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ Leave a comment

I recently celebrated my thirtieth birthday.

WHAT?! THIRTY?!!?

I know. Try not to be shocked by my age. We can all agree that I barely look a day over twenty-three. I am as confused as you about what happened to my twenties. I feel like just yesterday I was dancing the night away with all the other single, childless, hot-bodied people of the world….Then….BAM! I had a baby at twenty-five. Talk about a total life change!

Just when I was recovering from the shock of raising an infant and patting myself on the back for managing to keep her alive past her first birthday….BAM! I had another baby. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Consequently, the last half of my twenties seemed to just disappear.

Twenty-six? Was I ever twenty-six? I have no recollection of ever being twenty-six.

Twenty-seven! I think it was such a horrific period of sleep deprivation, weight gain and maternity clothes that I am trying to black out that whole year too.

See ya never, twenty-eight! I remember turning twenty-eight and feeling like there was still time….

Oh, twenty-nine. You left me too soon. Whhhhyyyy???!

POOF! GONE!

Here we are today. I’m suddenly thirty damn years old, and just like that I had to start shopping at Ann Taylor. Why is it required that thirty-something moms wear Ann Taylor? It is one of the many mysteries of the universe! God only knows where I’ll end up shopping at forty. At least I have ten more years to figure that out.

So now I am wearing a sensible jumper from Loft, and I have managed to lose the second half of my precious twenties to butt and nose wiping.

 

But did I really lose my twenties???

NO WAY!!!

I just spent them in a much different way than most people do. Instead of climbing corporate ladders and going out until 1:00 AM every night, I was changing diapers and waking up for 1:00 AM feedings. Instead of posting bikini selfies from my latest Vegas trip, I was a pregnant whale keeping my fingers crossed that I could someday just look acceptable in my pre-pregnancy clothing. I was in the mommy zone. My world revolved around my babies. I remember every single first of theirs – so who cares if I I don’t remember my twenty-seventh birthday?!  It wasn’t always glamorous, but it was so worth it!

My twenties really were gone in a flash, but they were the best years of my life. I watched my tiny babies turn into little people people right before my eyes. I would wipe those little booger noses for the next 20 years if I could. I remember saying to myself out of frustration one morning, “I can’t wait until they are old enough to dress themselves!” Now one of them is old enough to dress herself, and it’s a little sad. I offer my help, and she rips her socks away defiantly, “Mom! Let me do it myself!” The next five years are going to go just as fast as the past five. My babies are going to keep growing up and I don’t want to miss one minute of it.

I am lucky to be a young, healthy mom. I can run, jump and climb right alongside my kids at the playground. I can play tag and hide-and-seek. I can teach my kids how to do cartwheels. I can bounce with them in the bouncy house. I can keep up with every activity they do, and I LOVE IT! I would gladly give up some more of my twenties to be active with my kids. I was able to pick up my work outs where I left off. I am (thankfully) looking acceptable in my pre-pregnancy clothes again, and have even upgraded my wardrobe a bit.

Which brings me to my last point….indexI have to admit, this age-appropriate jumper is super comfy while looking more polished than the destroyed denim I rocked a few years ago. It even accentuates the skinniest part of my waist, while hiding the fact that I am slightly bloated from straight chugging a venti latte an hour ago. Maybe it is time my wardrobe matured past strategically-placed rips in jeans after all.

Besides, no matter what thirty-something outfit I am rocking on the outside, I still feel like I’m twenty-three on the inside! Just a much more mature, wise, Ann Taylor-wearing version of twenty-three. 😉

 

The Perfect Mom Quest

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ 4 Comments

Something has happened to our generation of moms. Something terrible. We have lost our common sense in our quest to be perfect.

Our mothers and grandmothers didn’t have the internet or “How To” books for parenting. They went off their instincts, and if that didn’t work, they talked to their mothers, aunts, friends and neighbors for advice. They didn’t always follow it, but in the end we all turned out to be healthy and functioning human beings. That was what mattered, right?

The internet is an endless supply of information. Google search “how to make baby food” and you literally have thousands of options, methods and instructions right there in front of you. The same thing applies to diaper creams, medicated ointments, and basically anything else you can use on a baby. Here is the thing that pisses me off – some of this stuff is pure crap.

Did you know ANYBODY can start a website?! (I started one!)

Did you know that anybody can publish ANYTHING THEY WANT on said website? (I am typing whatever the hell I want right now!)

Did you know that if they are making claims and giving advice it is most likely a bunch of bullshit unless they can cite their information from a credible source? (I bet you are now vaguely remembering high school bibliographies with loathing. You’re welcome.)

Our generation of moms can turn to the internet for any parenting obstacle. Forget common sense. You can just Google it. Who cares what your Gram says? She only managed to raise five respectful and successful kids in a single income household! Screw what the pediatrician says. Why would we listen to someone who completed 8+ years of college and medical school followed by 3+ years of residency when we can just read some random Perfect Mom’s blog and follow her advice? I am sure she is qualified to give sound medical guidance on the health of our families.

Oh wait. Did she even graduate high school? Her children seem OK in the pictures, but are they ACTUALLY healthy and OK? We will never know, my friends! We will only see what she wants us to see, because she can say whatever she wants on that big, bad blog of hers. She doesn’t have to produce any credentials to hit the publish button, and people read it. I am weeping for every scientist and medical professional who has ever published solid research. Published research is boring, but jumping on the hip Perfect Mom bandwagon is fun! Let’s all forgo our educations and parent our kids based on current trends!

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I spent HOURS upon HOURS on the internet. I refer to this as the Perfect Mom Quest. I became obsessed with the notion of being the Perfect Mom. So much so that I pushed aside all common sense instincts and read as much of those crap mommy blogs as I possibly could. Naturally, (no pun intended) I came to the following conclusions:

  • I was going to have a natural delivery (even considering home birth) because any mom worth anything pushes their kid out of their vagina drug free.
  • I would make my own organic baby food, because jars of baby food have chemicals. Which chemicals? IT DOESN’T MATTER! HOMEMADE ORGANIC WAS THE ONLY SAFE WAY TO GO!
  • I was going to breastfeed exclusively because if I gave my baby formula her brain would be underdeveloped, plus she might get cancer. JESUS. Might as well call that stuff liquid death.
  • I was never going to give my baby acetaminophen or ibuprofen because, “OMG! I read a blog that said these medications are poison. I would be administering POISON to my child! What kind of tricks are these pediatricians trying to pull!?”
  • I was only going to use cloth diapers because I read another blog saying disposable diapers WILL give your child severe diaper rash. HOLY SHIT. My kid will never have diaper rash. I will not allow it. I will only use cloth diapers. Are those disposable diaper parents freaking insane!? Why would anyone willingly give diaper rash to their baby?!
  • I was not going to vaccinate because Jenny McCarthy said it gave her kid autism, plus kids die from adverse reaction to vaccines. How many kids? Who cares?! It is killing children! Vaccination is obviously a tool put on Earth to defeat mankind.

I know. Exhausting. If only I could go back in time and slap myself senseless, and then slap myself some more until I was once again sane. I was smarter than that! I have a Bachelor of Science for Christ’s sake! I couldn’t complete one lab in NIU’s Anderson Hall without citing a study. I couldn’t turn in a project unless I had proof that my stated facts came from somewhere credible. My professors wouldn’t have given an uncited project one glance. I should have been able to avoid falling for this Perfect Mom crap right?

Once I had my baby I realized this quest was not only unrealistic, but also so time and energy consuming that I could barely handle it. Why was I putting myself through all this when there was no actual proof that my baby would turn out to be a super genius or Olympic athlete? That was the end of Perfect Mom Quest.

  • I ended up having a C-section because Avery was Frank breech. Had I done a home birth, I firmly believe one of us would not have come out of that situation healthy. Good-bye to natural delivery, and thank goodness for my obstetrician!
  • Making my own organic baby food was messy, just as expensive – if not more expensive – and a huge pain in the ass. I wasted a few hours of my life on it, then decided there were better ways to spend my time. My kids ate the toxic Gerber (which is actually not toxic at all – see below) for a couple months, and I switched them to finger foods. They are alive and healthy. Why is this short transition from liquid to finger foods plagued with puree controversy?!
  • I hated breastfeeding. Hated it. I suffered through sixteen weeks of zero sleep, bleeding nipples, low milk supply and throbbing let-downs before I finally gave up on the whole thing. While watching Cody feed Avery a bottle of formula, I wept. I still can’t tell you if it was out of guilt that I had given up or flat-out relief that breastfeeding was over. Then I went to bed (Since my boobs were no longer needed – Thank the Lord!) and slept while he worked his first all-night feeding shift. I woke up as a new woman and never looked back.
  • Once my kids hit 6 months, I gave them ibuprofen and acetaminophen when it was appropriate. Seeing your child sick and in pain is hard. If I have a headache, I take medicine and feel better. Why would I want my kids to cry in pain when I know I have something that will help? Turns out using medications properly is perfectly safe and healthy. (see below)
  • Here are fun facts you don’t find on a Perfect Mom blog about cloth diapers: They are disgusting and time consuming. Also – Disposable diapers don’t give your baby diaper rash. Poop and pee on skin give your baby diaper rash. I lasted 2 months using cloth diapers. My washing machine and gag reflex thanked me when I finally snapped and bought Huggies.
  • My kids are vaccinated and have been since day one. My pediatrician BEGGED me to do accurate research. She would treat my kids either way, but it was strongly encouraged that I make an educated decision rather than a “But I read it on a Perfect Mom blog” decision. I love my pediatrician. She knew how to tame my crazy.

I happen to know many women who are, in fact, Perfect Moms. They are breastfeeding like champions and pureeing baby food like it is their job. They are washing their cloth diapers without gagging and pushed their kids out – all natural and drug free – like they were supposed to. Cheers to them! They must have their own good reasons if they are putting themselves through all of that hot mess. I always get down on myself when talking to these moms. They never fail to remind me with a snarky little smile that they are, “Just doing what is best for baby!” or the good old, “Mommies make sacrifices!”

Yep. I am currently sacrificing the joy of ripping out your hair, Lady.

Being a new mom is like that high school girl vs. girl competition all over again. You can’t be in the Perfect Mom club unless you have successfully completed the Perfect Mom Quest.

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I guess I am kicked out of the club. Rebel for life!

Truth be told, when Perfect Mom’s child stands next to Avery (a.k.a. my vaccinated, medicated, formula-drinking, Huggies-wearing, Gerber-eating child who was delivered via C-section) at the preschool music show, all I see is two happy and healthy kids. I can’t look at that group of 24 kids and pick out the breastfed ones. I couldn’t tell you which ones had homemade organic purees when they were 9 months old. All I can tell you is that they still made it through their first year of preschool….Regardless of all that.

I am reminding myself and all other moms like me that we did a good job.  We did the research and made parenting decisions based on what we knew in both head and heart was best for our families. As a result, our kids are just as happy and healthy as Perfect Mom’s organic, all natural kids.

You know what that makes us?

Perfect Moms.

Want to know where I did my research? Here you go:

My decision to vaccinate my kids:

Here is the World Health Organization’s vaccine reaction rates website. You can click on each vaccine and get a breakdown of every possible adverse reaction to the vaccines, including worldwide statistical data.

Here is the Autism Science Foundation’s website for autism and vaccination. There are countless studies listed that provide solid evidence against autism being related to vaccination.

Here is some info on herd immunity from the University of Oxford.

 My decision to buy Gerber baby food purees:

Here is Gerber’s website. They have USDA certified organic baby foods, which also means the crops are not genetically modified. If you have also done research, you would know anything with an USDA certified organic label cannot contain any GM foods.

You can look up the full ingredient list for any of their baby foods. Here is an example with peaches. These are their standard peaches, not the organic. Click on the nutrition information tab below the product’s picture for the full ingredient list. (Like any other food you buy in the grocery store, baby food has to follow the FDA guidelines for food labeling.)

I made sure all the Gerber purees that I used for my kids only contained the fruit/vegetables of choice, water, and either ascorbic acid or citric acid. What are those? They are natural preservatives! Ascorbic acid is vitamin C. It can be used as a preservative for food by preventing oxidation. It can also be used as a vitamin C supplement. Your body needs vitamin C to help absorb iron. An excess of vitamin C in the system is very rare because it is a water soluble vitamin. Citric acid is a naturally occurring acid in citrus fruits. It is used as a preservative to slow down oxidation of food. Have you ever squeezed lemon juice over apple slices to keep them from browning? Or lime juice into guacamole? You just preserved your food with citric acid. Don’t trust me? Click on the links above!

My decision to use over-the-counter medication to treat high fever or pain:

Here is KidsHealth.org’s information on the safety of ibuprofen and how to use it correctly. Here is their page for correct use of acetaminophen.

KidsHealth.org is a good resource for parents. It is managed by the Nemours Foundation, a not-for-profit dedicated to education for children’s health.

Here is the popular WebMD website’s advice for young children and ibuprofen use.

Booberry Cancakes

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ 2 Comments

I am not a morning person.

I have childhood memories of my mother literally, physically dragging me out of bed as I fought her off in a sleepy haze. I also have unfortunate memories of hitting the snooze button way too many times in my early adult life, and consequently rushing to work/class/anything I ever had to attend before 10:00 AM. I would shamelessly burn rubber into the Starbucks drive thru and risk running another 10 minutes behind schedule. There was no way on God’s Green Earth I would make it through the lecture (that had already started) or bank teller shift (that started in 4 minutes) without a venti-with-an-extra-shot dose of caffeine. Once the first few sips of coffee were ingested, my eyes would open up. The world was no longer a bright, glaring, evil place. I would realize the sun was out and I had stuff to get done. I would silently scold myself for sleeping in as I muttered an apology to my boss or professor. I would run to my seat and get to work. Crap. Late again.

If you are a “tsk-tsking morning person”, you should know that I am fully aware and ashamed of the fact that if I hadn’t hit the snooze for 45 minutes I would have been on time. I envy your ability to pop out of bed in a cheery-ass, obnoxious mood and begin your day without wasting $5 on a large coffee. That must be so great for you! For me that morning struggle was REAL. So keep your “tsking” to yourself. Thanks.

Suddenly I became a mother in my mid-twenties, and I also had to become a morning person whether I liked it or not. It wasn’t too hard, actually. A tiny, helpless human crying for me was a good motivator. I bought a Keurig. I would wake up to feed the baby and then stumble over to the coffee machine. It wasn’t so bad. I even started watching the morning news while I sipped my coffee and ate some breakfast of my own. How grown up and “morning person” of me!

But, alas! Old habits die hard. I wish I could say I am a good mom who gets up with the sun to scramble eggs and start the laundry. I wish I could tell you that I am showered, dressed and watching the news while sipping my cup of coffee before my kids even wake up. I just am not. I usually stay asleep until one of my kids wakes up. I have come to terms with the fact that despite my best efforts at getting it together before 7:00 AM, I will never truly be a morning person. Just because I am usually awake by then doesn’t mean I enjoy it!

The. Struggle. Is. Still. Real.

Nowadays, my morning can go two completely different ways. This depends solely on which child wakes up first. (I suppose my morning could go a third way if I would just get my ass out of bed a half hour earlier…But that is not the point of this post…So I guess we won’t be discussing that third option today. Yea, I know. Tsk tsk.)

Morning #1:

Avery wakes up first. She tiptoes into my room and crawls into bed with me to snuggle. Sometimes she falls back asleep. (Yay! Bonus sleep!) When she is ready to get up she whispers, “Mommy, can we get up and have breakfast?” Nine times out of ten she will request Cheerios and banana. She usually lays in my bed until I tell her breakfast is ready, which gives me time to start my coffee and throw on some clothes in peace. She will tiptoe into the kitchen and eat, while I sip some coffee. Simple, easy and minimal dishes. She even puts her bowl in the sink when she is finishes. She usually asks to watch a kids’ show after, and I let her because she is just so darn good to me in the mornings. This gives me extra time to get a few things together before Emmy wakes up. The morning runs smoothly. Everybody is happy and satisfied. I love these mornings.

Morning #2:

Emmy wakes up first. I hear her stomp down the hall and fling open my door. I brace myself.

“Mommy! Wake up!” She stands right next to my face on the side of the bed.

“Mommy! OPEN EYES!” I open my eyes in bewilderment.

“I hungry.” She stares at me.

If I take more than 5 seconds to stretch and assemble my thoughts, she goes into full drill sergeant mode.

“Mommy! Time to wake up! Time to eat freckfast!” (She calls breakfast freckfast.)

I run to the bathroom and lock the door, because I know if I don’t she will be barging in there to harass me through all my business. She bangs on the door.

“MOMMY! YOU IN DER???”

Yes, honey. I am in here. You watched me walk in here.

“I HUNGRY!!! YOU HURRY UP??”

I stumble to the kitchen to get that coffee maker brewing, while she barks at my heels, “Cancakes! Mommy! Cancakes!” (She calls pancakes cancakes.)

“Muffins, Mom! Wif toast! And jelly. JELLY. MOM! THE JELLY IN DA FRIDGE!”

I shush her because I know where the damn jelly is. Tell her to keep her voice down and not to wake her sister. I suggest cereal. Granola bars. Yogurt. Fresh fruit. Please. Anything that doesn’t require pans, mixing bowls, eggs and effort.

“NO! I no eat dat! I want hot muffins. In oven. I want CANCAKES! BOOBERRY CANCAKES!!!” (Yep. She calls blueberries booberries.)

By this time Avery is groggily making her way down the hallway in just as much of a stupor as me, because all these noisy demands have woken her up too. Her eyes snap all the way open at the suggestion of blueberry pancakes. Now she chimes in, “Mommy, can you please make blueberry pancakes for us?” While Emmy doesn’t let up, “Yea, Mom! CANCAKESSSS! YAAAAYYY!”

Since I have been out of bed for approximately 3 minutes and haven’t had any coffee yet, I have no energy to fight it. I sigh and get out the mixing bowl while they skip laps around the kitchen table, chanting:

“Blueberry pancakes! BOOBERRY CANCAKES! Blueberry! BOOBERRY! Pancakes! CANCAKES! Yummy! HURRY! Yummy! HURRY!”

I make the pancakes, and they devour every bite on their plates. I manage to finally get that cup of coffee poured. Ahhhh. Bliss. My head clears. I look around. Maple syrup is on every surface of the kitchen. I wipe it all up. Now where are the kids? Probably touching all the TV remotes, tablets, and doorknobs we own with their sticky, maple syrup fingers. Oh well. Everybody is happy and satisfied, albeit we got there a different way than Morning #1.

Might as well sit back, relax and enjoy some booberry cancakes.

🙂 Kaitlyn

P.S. We pick our own blueberries every summer! Click here to find out how you can pick your own too!

 

Where the heck is my fairy godmother?

~ Kaitlyn @ Doing Dishes Making Wishes ~ 7 Comments

If there was ever a chore tdirty-disheshat I hated…And there are many, let me tell you…

I hate doing dishes! H.A.T.E. those dirty D.I.S.H.E.S!!!

Thank the good Lord for dishwashers, and the fact that he saw fit to bestow one of those lovely machines on me! (Actually – I went out and bought one. Then I flat-out REFUSED to move into our current home until my husband had installed it. So maybe I bestowed it on myself. Hallelujah! Amen!)

Seriously. What is worse than cooking a meal for 4 people, sitting down to eat it, and then looking around the kitchen at that mess 3 times a day?!

Oh right, being the one who has to clean it too. I feel you, Cinderella!

And so I digress….CK 8

Welcome to my blog! It is a special little slice of the internet that leads you right into my sarcastic brain. I’m Kaitlyn, the stay-at-home mom of 2 beautiful and super-silly girls and wife to a pretty darn good-looking yet completely maddening man. After sharing little bits of my daily life on Facebook, random people started asking me if I had a blog. When they found out I didn’t have one, their response usually went something like:

“OMG! You have to start a blog! Your life is hilarious!”

Ummm….thank you? I’m glad the mundane details of my life desperately shared on a social networking site in a shameless attempt to get some adult interaction (How many likes?!) during the long, lonely day have acquaintances of mine so darn entertained! Adult interaction achieved! Soooo…Here I am…Starting said blog. Yikes. I am totally new to the blogging world, and I have no idea what the heck I am doing. I normally get annoyed by all the “Mommy Blogs” out there, so I am sincerely hoping this will not be one of those! Feedback welcome – but please be nice! Constructive criticism, people!

A little bit about me:

I am currently a stay-at-home mom, but I certainly do not aspire to that as my only life purpose. Quite frankly, if I had to do this for the rest of my life I would end up in the nuthouse. It was a horrific adjustment period to become a stay-at-home mom. The feminist in me screamed and clawed to escape her 1950’s suppression! I absolutely HATED financially relying on someone else. I hated living on a budget. I hated having little to no contact with the outside world. I hated being the maid, cook, nurse, and secretary. I didn’t get a college degree so that I could decorate our house with budget-friendly decor and clean the toilets! I joked that I should be called Cinderella. When was my fairy godmother coming along to wave her magic wand so I could begin my dream career and escape this never-ending cycle of cooking and cleaning? My old self hid in the depths of my subconscious while I halfheartedly tried my hand at cooking dinner and folding laundry. She begrudgingly emerged, accepting the inevitable, after a little talk with my grandmother. My lovely Grammy departed some useful and harsh words of life wisdom on me that day. I am paraphrasing, but will never forget the gist of it. It went something like this:

“Katie, you have made the decision to stay home for the benefit of that baby. This IS your everyday life now. You could continue to be miserable, or you could embrace it. When you wake up every morning you need to tell yourself that YOU are the one who can make your daughter’s life what it is. YOU need to make her meals and keep the house clean. Nobody else is going to come do your dishes or fold your laundry while you sit here and whine. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s below you, because your baby needs you now. YOU are the one who has control of that household, so you better start running it. I love you, and I want to see you happy. Being happy in life is a choice, Katie. Be happy to be home with your family.”

Boom. Just like that. The way to admonish my misery in one little sentence: “Choose to be happy.”

Mind. Blown.

Believe it or not, I instantly felt better! I didn’t need a fairy godmother, just a suck-it-up-buttercup pep talk from my grandmother. Needless to say, that snapped me right back to reality. I woke up the next day and embraced my current situation. I have been trying to make the best of things ever since. Organizing, cleaning, reading stories, cooking, setting routines, scheduling play dates, singing nursery rhymes, administering time outs, checking fevers, decorating the house, grocery shopping and gardening right with the best of them. Some moms would want nothing more than to be home raising their kids, and I was lucky enough to be living their dream! I have learned to love being home right now. I have been there for each and every first moment. I have been the one to kiss every boo boo. I have been the one to teach our daughters their ABC’s, 123’s, shapes, colors, manners and essentially all they know about the world. I know where every single thing in this house is, because I am the one who put it there. Organization has become my middle flipping name. I have embraced my inner-Martha, and she is good friends with my inner-feminist. They get along really well now, in fact! This household works because I make it work, damn it! I am woman, hear me roar!

I have made this sacrifice for the good of my family, and I firmly believe it was the right choice for us – Even though it probably wasn’t the right choice for the old me. Once my youngest daughter is in school full-time, (Only four more years!) I can resume the pursuit of my dreams and start granting some of my own wishes! Because who needs a fairy godmother to grant wishes when you know you can do it yourself?! I am already on the way there, despite this whole stay-home-mom detour. I have a B.S. in Kinesiology from Northern Illinois University (Goooo Huskies!) with an emphasis in Preventative and Rehabilitative Exercise Science. I tell you this because it is something I am proud of, something that defines me, and something that will be guiding me to bigger and better things. Hence the “wishes” while I do my dishes:

Oh! Medical school, how I wish to someday attend thee!

Oh! Career of my Cardiology dreams, how I wish to someday attain thee!

I joke about making wishes, but I truly believe that you get nothing out of just wishing upon a star. (Disney be damned with its fairytale lies and happily ever after deception!) Good things don’t come to those who wait, they come to those who work for them! Right now I am channeling all my energy into making my home the best it can be for my kids, but keeping these wishes simmering on the back burner of the stove helps get me through the everyday tasks. I allow myself to stir this pot while I gaze out the kitchen window, spending (God only knows how much!) time – you guessed it – doing the dishes.

🙂 Kaitlyn

P.S. Are you a mom too? You might enjoy reading this post!